Do men want feisty women?
I’ve recently become addicted to “Dancing with the Stars.” I know, I’m slow to join the onslaught of rabid fans. What pushed me over the top was Apolo Anton Ohno. What a luscious man! Although he’s only 24, one can still drool, yes? I got so enamored, I spent the evening watching this season’s previous DWTS shows at abc.com.
Watching so many shows at once I noticed a theme emerge in the behind-the-scenes interviews with the dancers. The women, at least the ones who have stayed in the game, all are strong, confident, and feisty. No surprise here for this highly-competitive sport. But the woman who stands out for me is Leila Ali, who as a boxing champion one would expect to be strong willed and gutsy. But she mixes it with a sensuality, gracefulness, and allure that have many men’s mouths on the floor.
Since many (most?) of my dating gal pals are also spirited, self-assured and spunky, it made me wonder if this was a guy magnet or repellent. While many men are drawn to Leila’s beauty and sexuality, is their infatuation only in fantasy form? Or would they actually be drawn to women like that in real life? Since Leila is engaged, she’s obviously found a man who likes her mixture of strength and sensuality.
Many men are intimidated by feisty women. And as more women have made our way on our own, either through divorce, widowhood, or life-long singledom, we’ve had to be strong to survive. Sometimes that strength overrides softness or femininity. We forget how to be sensual. Leila is a great role model for how to exude the perfect balance.
My friend Ava Diamond wrote a powerful book called Great Quotes from Feisty Women. She says, “A feisty woman is vibrant, gusty, lives boldly, is true to herself, and embraces her power as a woman.” Does this sound like you?
What do you think about feisty women and dating? Is it easier or harder for them?
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April 24, 2007 at 11:20 am
WOW! I think because we are fiesty, we might intimidate the men! Just my experience
Fiesty is GOOD if you can get past the intimidation part 
April 24, 2007 at 11:32 am
Hi DG,
Wow, great question. IMHO, yes, secure men do prefer feisty women, as most of my married girlfriends are all pretty feisty. Of course there are those insecure guys who can’t handle being around feisty women, but IMHO that is their problem.
I wish there was a crash course on being feisty, I could definitely use some help in this area.
Best wishes from bookyone
April 25, 2007 at 12:23 am
No. We want a woman who doesn’t embarrass us with the chiming frequency of a grandfather clock.
-Dick
April 25, 2007 at 3:50 am
Hi Dick,
You either have a very warped sense of humor or your name suits you to a tee.
April 25, 2007 at 9:26 am
What feisty woman would want to be with an man who couldn’t hang?
April 25, 2007 at 11:18 am
I am very attracted to feisty women. If they’re not mean, disrespectful and bitchy. There’s a big difference between a feisty, snappy, bitchy woman and a feisty, confident, compassionate and reasonable woman. The “secure” man thing is hogwash. It has much more to do with respecting yourself. If you’re being abused by a fesity bitchy person, then men will run run run run run. If you’re fesity and nice? Let’s chat…
August 1, 2007 at 12:08 am
[...] “Do men want feisty women?” I heard that many men like spirited, strong women. When I bounced off the book’s [...]
March 17, 2008 at 4:07 pm
It seems to all hang on one’s definition of feisty – spirited and strong or bitchy and snappy. I’d LIKE to think men like a woman who’s spirited and strong but so far my experience has shown otherwise. So far, at least!
I like men who are feisty, why not shouldn’t they like feisty women! We’re a lot less boring! =]
January 31, 2009 at 8:42 am
I prefer feisty women, as long as they’re also intelligent and reasonable. Ladies, I’m going to do my best to walk all over you. If you stand up to me, I’ll respect you. If you just sit there and take it, then you’re worthless to me.
November 1, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I’m a ‘fiesty’ woman. I’m fiercly independant, strong and I play to win. That said, I can be vulnerable, gentle and one of the most important character trais -to me- is empathy.
From my experience, men seem to love fiesty women. Often fiesty girls struggle in relationships because they either end up playing mother to young lads or young lads are ‘put off’ thinking women should be emotional, needy and submissive. In adulthood though, fiesty women seem to do very well for themselves.
I’ve toned down a lot as I’ve gotten older (as is often the case). I used to terrify most men (or that’s what they told me lol). Thesedays my temper isn’t so problematic and I am more willing to ask for help, to appreciate offers of help.
I think finding that balance is key. I attract men easily and generally get on with blokes better.
The only thing to watch out for, in my experience, is that being fiesty means attracting men, sometimes, who are hoping to be ‘looked after’. I am fiesty, looking for a bloke who can challenge me intellectualy, physically and spiritualy. I am not looking to be a surogate mother.
Being fiesty means I need a bloke who is equally fiesty, not a bloke who needs me to fight their battles too.
I look to be an equal part of a two person team in a relationship. I don’t want to lead that team and neither do I want to follow, or be followed.
Independance, as an individual, and solidarity as a partner. If a guy don’t work the same then I respect that and accept we walk a different path.