Comments on: Being played by a pathological liar http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/ The Dating Goddess's Lessons, Stories & Insights for Yummy Midlife Dating Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:56:45 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Kim http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-18433 Kim Sat, 24 Jan 2009 03:30:06 +0000 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-18433 Our son too is a pathological liar, he can't tell the truth to save his life but now he has 3 children whom are suffering for his lies. He's also dating, engaged or maybe even married to another woman. He is about to be chaptered from the Army due to his inability to tell the truth, we have been on him and on him about his needing help. Now he has gone so far as to call us liars because the girlfriend he is trying to impress was there, and what he has said is a big no no and we can't forgive it. Sorry you had to witness something like this but you are best out of the relationship. I wish it was so easy for us or his ex girlfriend and child he abandoned. Our son too is a pathological liar, he can’t tell the truth to save his life but now he has 3 children whom are suffering for his lies. He’s also dating, engaged or maybe even married to another woman. He is about to be chaptered from the Army due to his inability to tell the truth, we have been on him and on him about his needing help. Now he has gone so far as to call us liars because the girlfriend he is trying to impress was there, and what he has said is a big no no and we can’t forgive it. Sorry you had to witness something like this but you are best out of the relationship. I wish it was so easy for us or his ex girlfriend and child he abandoned.

]]> By: debbie http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-18022 debbie Sat, 04 Oct 2008 12:32:38 +0000 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-18022 i have spent so many hours and days reading so many stories about these liars, i met the guy i was seeing through the internet, he was so good to me would cook, run my bath pamper me everything i have never had in a relationship, then i found out he never had a house the car he bought was a hire car, but to top it all he said his grandad had died that bit was true and had left him alot of money and he wanted to buy a nice house for us to live in we chose a great house and he went through everything meeting builders estate agents even spoke about it in front of his mum and dad inviting them down for a week endetc, how could i not belive it ? then he said i have also sorted you a parrot out for you birthday as he knew i had wanted 1 so much there is so much more but to much to put down there just a couple of things but when it got closer he started panicking so it all came out it was all lies hes since moved back in with his mum and constantly txts but i said i need a bit of time to come to terms with every thing now i do actually wander does he really love me or just thinks he does i have spent so many hours and days reading so many stories about these liars, i met the guy i was seeing through the internet, he was so good to me would cook, run my bath pamper me everything i have never had in a relationship, then i found out he never had a house the car he bought was a hire car, but to top it all he said his grandad had died that bit was true and had left him alot of money and he wanted to buy a nice house for us to live in we chose a great house and he went through everything meeting builders estate agents even spoke about it in front of his mum and dad inviting them down for a week endetc, how could i not belive it ? then he said i have also sorted you a parrot out for you birthday as he knew i had wanted 1 so much there is so much more but to much to put down there just a couple of things but when it got closer he started panicking so it all came out it was all lies hes since moved back in with his mum and constantly txts but i said i need a bit of time to come to terms with every thing now i do actually wander does he really love me or just thinks he does

]]> By: dolphinstar95350 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17328 dolphinstar95350 Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:24:21 +0000 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17328 My story is much like the other long term relationships you described. The main difference for me from the erly days was when I became pregnant(we were thrilled) we deceided to marry.I knew about his ex and had discussed her on many occasions. We got the kicense, were married, I had our beautiful son and in the middle of all this bliss he neglected to inform me he forgot to divorce his first wife!! Now, common, thats not something that just slips your mind is it????? we stayed together for 30 years and for 10 of those years, though he would lie about things that didn't even need to BE lied about. Those years things were really good. We were both deeply in love and his quirk of stupid lies were no more than a blip on our screen of life. But then his Pop passed away and it was as if he became an empty shell. His drive was gone, his zest, and joy in life melted away. That was when the downward slide began and never ended. He turned to doing drugs like he did as a kid......constantly pushing himself to a higher dose or mixing more things to t spur him on.see if he would survive and when he did it would just give him more drive to do better. Watching the spiral was devestating not only to me but our precious son. After 10 years of trying everything I and a series of doctors could do, I had to get out before I lost myself completely to the spiral of drugs and women hurt and the early stages of physical abuse. I loved this man with everything I was and had but watching him slowly commit suicide was beyond me. It took me 2 years after I realized his true love was the drugs before I could walk out. His words were the same as those I had fallen in love with so many years before but now the lies never stopped and he didnt even care if he kept them straight or not. His choice of women became so degrading I had the area hookers coming up to me apoligizing for what he was doing. We have been apart for about 8 years now and I am slowly putting ME back toghether but now our precious son is taking after the father he rarely interacted with as he grew up. What is amazing and truely saddening my son has the EXACT SAME thought prosses and reactions to stress as did his father and his conclusions are drawn from the exact same place of selfisness, he blames others for his behavior, and much as his father, the guilt of hurting someone with lieing or the fallout caused by it never getsto that place with in most others that causes us to be sad or sorry. My son and his father both react more to the point that they must do better since they were caught. Every new concept is usually met with a "what can I get out of this??" first thought. They enjoy the schemeing and planning of an act and the consequences don't ever enter thier heads. I was blown away with my husband once we actually were able to talk about how he thought and how he came to his decisions. As alien and forein it was to me, I was facinated by it and we would talk in depth so I was able to at least understand it more. My ex's early childhood was wrought with abandoment and siblings being "sold" and adopted away. He was raised by his step grandfather who beleived more along the lines of beating the problems out then building up the man. The beatings were liberally handed out but he couldn't break my ex so the build up never came. I thought those were enough reasons alone to set me ex up for a troubled life but adding in the drugs of the late 60's and on, it was amazing he could even walk and talk. But in contrast my son was raised very differently. We talked about EVERYTHING he had an opinion and input in his life. I am very warm and squishy kind of woman, my son was loved and held. Encouraged and explained to. I let him know how special he was and encouraged his imagination and play. H is rules were consistant as humanly possible and he had to accout for himself when his decisions turned out badly. I tried to make sure he knew his part in this world, helped him figure out where he was comfortable as each new stage came along and tried to teach him his responsibility in his life and toward others. I ALWAYS used please and thank yous and you know, he came out just like his Dad!!! And now as an adult WE talk about how he thinks things out and they are almost EXACTLY the same verbage as his dad! My son was never around for the deep conversations between my ex and I. So, ladies, please try to understand if your man is a pathological liar, it may be as deeply rooted in his genes as it is rooted in his mind. This is not and excuse to feel sorry for the guys, it is a way for you not to fel the guilt imparted on ourselves and thrust on us by the men. They have choices just as everyone else in this world has and if the guys, their families and friends know the guys as a liar and the men do nothing to correct it for themselves, beleive me YOU CANT AND WONT EVER CHANGE THEM!!!!! Get out of the situation, love them from afar if you must, then get on with your life. The downward spiral your life, and the harm to your children in NOT worth the HOPE he will catch on and change. He wont and 20 years later you will have changed so much you wont reconize yourself. Peace and happy hearts to you all! My story is much like the other long term relationships you described. The main difference for me from the erly days was when I became pregnant(we were thrilled) we deceided to marry.I knew about his ex and had discussed her on many occasions. We got the kicense, were married, I had our beautiful son and in the middle of all this bliss he neglected to inform me he forgot to divorce his first wife!! Now, common, thats not something that just slips your mind is it????? we stayed together for 30 years and for 10 of those years, though he would lie about things that didn’t even need to BE lied about. Those years things were really good. We were both deeply in love and his quirk of stupid lies were no more than a blip on our screen of life. But then his Pop passed away and it was as if he became an empty shell. His drive was gone, his zest, and joy in life melted away. That was when the downward slide began and never ended. He turned to doing drugs like he did as a kid……constantly pushing himself to a higher dose or mixing more things to t spur him on.see if he would survive and when he did it would just give him more drive to do better. Watching the spiral was devestating not only to me but our precious son. After 10 years of trying everything I and a series of doctors could do, I had to get out before I lost myself completely to the spiral of drugs and women hurt and the early stages of physical abuse. I loved this man with everything I was and had but watching him slowly commit suicide was beyond me. It took me 2 years after I realized his true love was the drugs before I could walk out. His words were the same as those I had fallen in love with so many years before but now the lies never stopped and he didnt even care if he kept them straight or not. His choice of women became so degrading I had the area hookers coming up to me apoligizing for what he was doing. We have been apart for about 8 years now and I am slowly putting ME back toghether but now our precious son is taking after the father he rarely interacted with as he grew up. What is amazing and truely saddening my son has the EXACT SAME thought prosses and reactions to stress as did his father and his conclusions are drawn from the exact same place of selfisness, he blames others for his behavior, and much as his father, the guilt of hurting someone with lieing or the fallout caused by it never getsto that place with in most others that causes us to be sad or sorry. My son and his father both react more to the point that they must do better since they were caught. Every new concept is usually met with a “what can I get out of this??” first thought. They enjoy the schemeing and planning of an act and the consequences don’t ever enter thier heads. I was blown away with my husband once we actually were able to talk about how he thought and how he came to his decisions. As alien and forein it was to me, I was facinated by it and we would talk in depth so I was able to at least understand it more. My ex’s early childhood was wrought with abandoment and siblings being “sold” and adopted away. He was raised by his step grandfather who beleived more along the lines of beating the problems out then building up the man. The beatings were liberally handed out but he couldn’t break my ex so the build up never came. I thought those were enough reasons alone to set me ex up for a troubled life but adding in the drugs of the late 60’s and on, it was amazing he could even walk and talk. But in contrast my son was raised very differently. We talked about EVERYTHING he had an opinion and input in his life. I am very warm and squishy kind of woman, my son was loved and held. Encouraged and explained to. I let him know how special he was and encouraged his imagination and play. H is rules were consistant as humanly possible and he had to accout for himself when his decisions turned out badly. I tried to make sure he knew his part in this world, helped him figure out where he was comfortable as each new stage came along and tried to teach him his responsibility in his life and toward others. I ALWAYS used please and thank yous and you know, he came out just like his Dad!!! And now as an adult WE talk about how he thinks things out and they are almost EXACTLY the same verbage as his dad! My son was never around for the deep conversations between my ex and I. So, ladies, please try to understand if your man is a pathological liar, it may be as deeply rooted in his genes as it is rooted in his mind. This is not and excuse to feel sorry for the guys, it is a way for you not to fel the guilt imparted on ourselves and thrust on us by the men. They have choices just as everyone else in this world has and if the guys, their families and friends know the guys as a liar and the men do nothing to correct it for themselves, beleive me YOU CANT AND WONT EVER CHANGE THEM!!!!! Get out of the situation, love them from afar if you must, then get on with your life. The downward spiral your life, and the harm to your children in NOT worth the HOPE he will catch on and change. He wont and 20 years later you will have changed so much you wont reconize yourself. Peace and happy hearts to you all!

]]> By: Katie http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17305 Katie Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:10:00 +0000 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17305 Sigh....there are way too many of us here with the same or very similar experiences. My narcisistic, sociopathic husband took nearly 10 years to wipe me out - financially, physically, and emotionally. When he had taken everything there was to take, he picked up his trunk and walked out the door - right into the life of another woman. I was devastated. Looking back, I think I knew almost from the beginning that this 'man' had a pretty puffed-up image of himself. I married him anyway, naturally....but not before taking an early retirement, cashing in my pension, and paying off all of his debts. I was in love - and only wanted us to have a clean beginning, with no financial baggage to deal with. That was the plan, anyway. Ten Years worth of what my husband managed to do - and not do - is just too much to fit on this computer. And as I sit here writing, he continues to drag me down. He has lied about so much - frequently about things that were of little importance. He's a predator....and very good at what he does. It was difficult for me to let go of my marriage....but the years of living like this were taking their toll, and I started to lose 'me'.. He turned everything around....never once accepted blame or fault for anything...and progressively increased his control over me to the point that I didn't even need to leave my little computer room except to bathe.... Men like this are a-moral...and I truly don't believe they can be 'cured' of this psyosis. I spent enough time with his mother to see how alike she and my husband are. At least he did me a favor by taking her with him when he walked out of the door for the second, and final time - I fondly consider these victories 'small 'satisfactions....smile. We don't get many. This morning I went to the County to apply for general relief. I can't begin to explain the shame I felt ...but I will have to get through this - because there is no other way. I've written on blog sites, bulletin boards, search engine sites, and on and on and on - all in an effort to find my husband - and hopefully save some other woman from the pain of falling for his tall tales, and the pain of falling in love with him. He will never get professional help because he believes there's nothing wrong with him; I challenged him, finally...after I reached a point of having nowhere else to go but up - not really caring if I made it up or not. I just wanted it all to end. In an earlier comment, 'socal.gold' posted a great link to the pathology of guys like this . I, for one, wish I could have had that link about 10 years sooner....(: Sigh….there are way too many of us here with the same or very similar experiences. My narcisistic, sociopathic husband took nearly 10 years to wipe me out – financially, physically, and emotionally. When he had taken everything there was to take, he picked up his trunk and walked out the door – right into the life of another woman. I was devastated.

Looking back, I think I knew almost from the beginning that this ‘man’ had a pretty puffed-up image of himself. I married him anyway, naturally….but not before taking an early retirement, cashing in my pension, and paying off all of his debts. I was in love – and only wanted us to have a clean beginning, with no financial baggage to deal with. That was the plan, anyway.

Ten Years worth of what my husband managed to do – and not do – is just too much to fit on this computer. And as I sit here writing, he continues to drag me down. He has lied about so much – frequently about things that were of little importance. He’s a predator….and very good at what he does.

It was difficult for me to let go of my marriage….but the years of living like this were taking their toll, and I started to lose ‘me’.. He turned everything around….never once accepted blame or fault for anything…and progressively increased his control over me to the point that I didn’t even need to leave my little computer room except to bathe…. Men like this are a-moral…and I truly don’t believe they can be ‘cured’ of this psyosis. I spent enough time with his mother to see how alike she and my husband are. At least he did me a favor by taking her with him when he walked out of the door for the second, and final time – I fondly consider these victories ’small ’satisfactions….smile. We don’t get many.

This morning I went to the County to apply for general relief. I can’t begin to explain the shame I felt …but I will have to get through this – because there is no other way. I’ve written on blog sites, bulletin boards, search engine sites, and on and on and on – all in an effort to find my husband – and hopefully save some other woman from the pain of falling for his tall tales, and the pain of falling in love with him. He will never get professional help because he believes there’s nothing wrong with him; I challenged him, finally…after I reached a point of having nowhere else to go but up – not really caring if I made it up or not. I just wanted it all to end.

In an earlier comment, ’socal.gold’ posted a great link to the pathology of guys like this . I, for one, wish I could have had that link about 10 years sooner….(:

]]> By: socal.gold http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17062 socal.gold Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:17:02 +0000 http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/being-played-by-a-pathological-liar/#comment-17062 Good Morning "Dating Goddess" and Fellow "Dating Goddess" Fans! It's nearly 8:15am here in Arizona, and all is quiet and calm. That's a GOOD thing! I luvvvvvv quiet and calm! After blitzing through the comments by "Dating Goddess" fans, on the subject of Pathological Lying, seems I'm not alone in the "Need Quiet & Calm" department! Desirous of a positive, cheerful start to this day, I'll not be sharing the horrors of my past w/ ya'll. It appears as if we all have - more or less - been riding the same rollercoaster, if ya get my drift! Aren't we, collectively, a bit weary of the drama? Here, here! I second the motion! I can, however, disclose my self-improvement kick I've been on for many, many months, and will continue to be enrolled in a self-imposed, home study course - Personal Development-101- for some time to come, until necessary and critical changes in thinking, behavior(s) and pattern(s) come about. Why u ask? The answer is simple! I want to be able to identify and prevent - through higher education - a future relationship with yet - ANOTHER SOCIOPATH! When reminiscing about goals and hopeful future accomplishments, I see that it somehow slipped my mind to add "Surviving a Sociopath Partner" to the list. Silly me! Where was my head?! On a serious note, I'm not likely to make that particular mistake again! I'm blessed and deeply grateful to be vertical and ventilating this morning! "He" didn't kill me and I (thankfully) did not commit suicide. (reminds me of Amy Grant's song: "Angels Watching Over Me") There was indeed, a price to be paid for my naivety and disregard of the "red flags" that now, I so clearly see in hindsight: the complete and total annihilation of (what I used to call) my life! But - I must say, "he" couldn't have accomplished such a feat without my devoted cooperation and 'blind' love. Here I was.... an accessory to the crime of murdering my own life and I didn't even know it! Go figure! I insist ya'll go to: http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html. Educate yourself about pathological liars with the following article: "Profile of the Sociopath". I self-educate in a wide variety of subjects, including: psychiatry/psychology/personality disorders, etc.; love/dating/sex/relationships; and, Western & Chinese Astrology/Numerology/Tarot, and the paranormal - to name a few. Personal development is numero uno on a daily basis. How I find time to work towards an AA Degree in the legal field (paralegal) is one of my finest mysteries! (Geraldo - take a lesson!) CaliforniaPsychics.com, ivillage.com, and askmen.com are a few of the websites I recommend for articles about relationships, love, dating and sex. Dave Zinczinko's "Mysteries of the Sexes Explained" on Yahoo Health is another one. You'll learn how to spot a loser; specific questions to be asking yourself before you say "I do."; you'll get some great tips about online dating; you'll find articles about decoding 'man-talk'; how to tell if you're being lied to; 50 things women wish men knew about them, and lots more. (I have not - as of yet - consulted a psychic on CaliforniaPsychics.com. I do however, read most all of their material on the site. SUPER informative articles!) Well, here's to calm and quiet! Lift your coffee cups please! Peace out! Good Morning “Dating Goddess” and Fellow “Dating Goddess” Fans! It’s nearly 8:15am here in Arizona, and all is quiet and calm. That’s a GOOD thing! I luvvvvvv quiet and calm! After blitzing through the comments by “Dating Goddess” fans, on the subject of Pathological Lying, seems I’m not alone in the “Need Quiet & Calm” department!

Desirous of a positive, cheerful start to this day, I’ll not be sharing the horrors of my past w/ ya’ll. It appears as if we all have – more or less – been riding the same rollercoaster, if ya get my drift! Aren’t we, collectively, a bit weary of the drama? Here, here! I second the motion!

I can, however, disclose my self-improvement kick I’ve been on for many, many months, and will continue to be enrolled in a self-imposed, home study course – Personal Development-101- for some time to come, until necessary and critical changes in thinking, behavior(s) and pattern(s) come about.

Why u ask? The answer is simple! I want to be able to identify and prevent – through higher education – a future relationship with yet – ANOTHER SOCIOPATH! When reminiscing about goals and hopeful future accomplishments, I see that it somehow slipped my mind to add “Surviving a Sociopath Partner” to the list. Silly me! Where was my head?!

On a serious note, I’m not likely to make that particular mistake again! I’m blessed and deeply grateful to be vertical and ventilating this morning! “He” didn’t kill me and I (thankfully) did not commit suicide. (reminds me of Amy Grant’s song: “Angels Watching Over Me”) There was indeed, a price to be paid for my naivety and disregard of the “red flags” that now, I so clearly see in hindsight: the complete and total annihilation of (what I used to call) my life! But – I must say, “he” couldn’t have accomplished such a feat without my devoted cooperation and ‘blind’ love. Here I was…. an accessory to the crime of murdering my own life and I didn’t even know it! Go figure!

I insist ya’ll go to: http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html.

Educate yourself about pathological liars with the following article: “Profile of the Sociopath”. I self-educate in a wide variety of subjects, including: psychiatry/psychology/personality disorders, etc.; love/dating/sex/relationships; and, Western & Chinese Astrology/Numerology/Tarot, and the paranormal – to name a few. Personal development is numero uno on a daily basis. How I find time to work towards an AA Degree in the legal field (paralegal) is one of my finest mysteries! (Geraldo – take a lesson!)

CaliforniaPsychics.com, ivillage.com, and askmen.com are a few of the websites I recommend for articles about relationships, love, dating and sex. Dave Zinczinko’s “Mysteries of the Sexes Explained” on Yahoo Health is another one. You’ll learn how to spot a loser; specific questions to be asking yourself before you say “I do.”; you’ll get some great tips about online dating; you’ll find articles about decoding ‘man-talk’; how to tell if you’re being lied to; 50 things women wish men knew about them, and lots more. (I have not – as of yet – consulted a psychic on CaliforniaPsychics.com. I do however, read most all of their material on the site. SUPER informative articles!)

Well, here’s to calm and quiet! Lift your coffee cups please! Peace out!

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