50 ways to leave your lover? 4 ways NOT to leave your suitor
If you know it isn’t a good match, you owe it to him to tell him and then either move on or become friends. But do so graciously, respectfully and gracefully, no matter what. Here are four ways NOT to let him know.
- Via email — if you’ve dated him more than a few times, have the guts to tell him that you aren’t going to see him again in person, or if that’s not possible by phone. I had a lover break up with me via an email after we’d dated exclusively for 7 weeks. He said he was too cowardly to do it in person! It was disrespectful and hurtful to not do it in person when we’d just seen each other the day before.
- After only a few minutes — After 10 minutes one guy told me that he wasn’t attracted to me so he was leaving. On one hand, good that he didn’t waste either of our time. But he could have been more graceful than saying “I’m not attracted.” How uncouth!
By IM — This is the modern version of the “Sex and The City” Berger break-up Post-It to Carrie. Tacky. A guy I had been dating for 6 weeks sent me an Instant Message breaking up with me — when he knew I wouldn’t be around to read it until later. Essentially, it is as classless and spineless as an email.- AWOL — Not returning emails or voice mails. I’ve had two guys do this, one I’d dated for 6 weeks. After talking 5 or 6 times a day for 6 weeks, he suddenly didn’t respond to any emails, IMs or voice mails. He’d left some clothes at my house that I wanted to return to him after I didn’t hear back for a few days, and he still didn’t respond. I left them on his front porch, as there was not much else I could do.
Have the courage and decency to be gently honest when you release this person back into the dating pool. You will feel better about youself, and you’ll leave him not hating you.
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Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
July 11, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Goddess-This guy :”I had one guy tell me after 10 minutes that he wasn’t attracted to me so he was leaving.” is completely crass. If there isn’t any chemistry that’s fine but what a pitiful way for him to tell you so-You are getting quite the education aren’t you 🙂
November 30, 2006 at 4:29 pm
10 Minutes? Try 6 months, of seeing each other virtually EVERY day. Never asked me out on a date, though, but made it fairly apparent that he WAS interested AND attracted, because he flirted virtually nonstop during our entire 6 month thing. When things got a little rocky (and why wouldn’t they, since he had about six other “female friends” in his life, which I was starting to feel a tad leary about) and he turned to THEM for advice, rather than discuss issues with me, he called one day and said, “I’m not attracted to you anymore.” Nother else. So I inquired … “do you mean personality, something has turned you off that way? Interesting, because I think we have such fun together.” His response: “No, not personality. Physical. I’m not attracted to you physically any more.” ANY MORE? Nothing changed in 6 months, although I did cut my hair shorter … big deal! I don’t know, I found it all very odd, and said, “gee, I never heard to losing physical attraction in such a short time span,” and he said, “Really? I think it’s quite common, actually.” BS! I’m not buying it. I think he just wanted to cause emotional pain, and unfortunately for me, he succeeded. But I succeeded in resisting the urge to call him and figure this whole thing out…..
I’m done now … thanks for reading!
September 20, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I dated a man for about 2 months. I work at a grocery store. I got to work one day and the lady at the customer service counter brought me a card. She said it was dropped off by somebody, she didn’t know who he was. I opened it and it read that he thought we were not interested in the same things from life, (I agree) and that he didn’t want to see me anymore. This I thought was really gutless, but on the same note, I was trying to figure out how to not date him anymore. We are still friends. I asked him one time why he left the card and didn’t hand it to me personally. He told me that he didn’t want to have a whole big drama scene.
Just to set the record straight, there wouldn’t have been any drama.
March 23, 2009 at 10:22 am
I had been seeing a “married” man,yes,I regret it for 16 months. He was deployed and kept in contact,looking forward to seeing me when he got back. Emails were very frequent,then 1 week before Christmas they were different. He did return and kept making excuses why he couldn’t get together. I even gave him the option to cut our losses and move on but he said not at all. Well, guess he was a coward because after the last excuse I decided to not answer his lame email and write him off. The worst part is not that we aren’t being intimate but the friendship or what I thought was a friendship is now over. I could handle not being intimate,I’m a big girl but not having the respect to tell me was the worst part.
June 16, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I met a man that lived 1900 miles away. He and I knew each other 15 years ago when we were both married to other people. We used to babysit each other’s kids, we knew each other’s families well. Anyway, we connected on facebook. It was so incredible, we (he mostly) talked about marriage, our kids and grand kids, he visited me (6 hour plane flight here) and it was a whirlwind relationship. We laughed, sang and on the last night slept together. The next day he left and he wanted to know where we stood and then we discussed me moving to his state. I was up for it…I started cleaning out my house, researching jobs and researching his area…and 3 weeks later the weekend before I was to visit his home state (I had bought a plane ticket), I told him I was nervous about the move and wanted to put stuff on hold so we could define a foundation and get to know one another without the stress of the move. Then “poof” I got an email saying he’s rethought our relationship and he doesn’t have the money to pursue me (it didn’t bother him before). He wouldn’t answer any of my calls (we spoke on average 3x a day before that) and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m crushed. I sent a nice good-bye email saying that I agreed the timing was off and that I had things to handle, but all in all, I thought he was different, that he was my soul mate. Now I’m out the price of a plane ticket, and my heart is broken. And somehow I feel he’ll be back in my life – how could he forget the incredible time we spent together and all the promises he made for the future? I feel duped.
April 27, 2010 at 2:51 am
I have been emotionally involved with a man off and on for 24 years. After not seeing each other for 10 years he suddenly appeared on Facebook last July and phone calls how much I had meant to him.. blah, blah blah. A few months ago everything started changing, and I told him if there was someone else I needed to know. He said it was work.
Yesterday he left a voice mail on my cell to call him at work today. Not to call the house or his cell, and woman and her daughter had moved in.
Jerk…… It’s the last time he will break my heart and in the future when he reappears, it will be a slammed phone in his ear.
August 7, 2015 at 12:37 pm
[…] suggestions on how you can say goodbye with class, see “50 ways to leave your lover? 4 ways NOT to leave your suitor” and “Hello — goodbye: How to say no thanks after […]