In search of the elusive good kisser



“A man’s kiss is his signature. ” —Mae West

I’ve been surprised by the lack of good kissers in my dating adventures. Granted, sometimes it takes a while to actually get a romantic kiss — if ever. It took 6 dates with one guy before I got a “real” kiss — something beyond a peck. On the other hand, several men have greeted me with a deep kiss as if we’d been dating for a while. The latter is not my preference. I like to get to know someone and be drawn to him before I want to explore further, if you know what I mean.

Two men have told me they are planning on kissing me upon meeting. This does take some of the anxiety out of “will he kiss me?” — sometimes it seems premature.

Several stopped me while we were walking to plant the first kiss. Another, charmingly leaned over when he arose mid-meal to go to the men’s room, “I need a little kiss to tide me over while I’m away from you.” It was cute and worked to get me to hang out with him more.

“Whoever named it ‘necking’ was a poor judge of anatomy.” —Groucho Marx

On thing I’ve noticed is if a man says in his profile that he’s a good kisser, he often is not. With only one exception everyone who said he was a good kisser actually wasn’t.

In fact, if his profile says he is handsome, he often is not. I’ve sometimes wanted to ask “Who, besides your mother, has told you that you were handsome?” If he says he is a gentleman, he may think nothing of trying to bed you on a first date. And if he says he’s a great lover, well, let’s just say I don’t let those guys prove their claim.

So I’m surprised that men in middle age don’t know how to kiss better. One man I dated for six months was too much too fast, no kissing foreplay. Another was so sloppy I needed a napkin afterward. I could go on and on. I’ve been tempted to dog-ear the kissing section in “Mars and Venus in the Bedroom” for some suitors and put it in a place I know he’ll see it.

A friend pointed out that perhaps other women have liked how these guys kissed. Or maybe they’ve just never had feedback. How do you say to someone “You aren’t a good kisser”? That’s like saying “You aren’t a good lover.” I’ve tried modifying their behavior by giving them positive feedback on the parts I like: “I love it when you nibble on my lips,” or “I love the anticipation of our kisses when you kiss my face first.” Some learn. Others don’t.

I must admit I’ve hung out with some gentleman callers longer than I should have if they were good kissers. It’s an elusive — but I hope not dying — art.

Explore posts in the same categories: Dating after 40, Dating chemistry, Getting your dating attitude on

3 Comments on “In search of the elusive good kisser”

  1. Marilynn Mobley Says:

    Let’s see…. you’re wondering “Who, besides you’re mother, has told you that you were handsome?” I’m thinking maybe it was someone who was practicing their flirting, as you advised people to do in your very next post. 🙂

    Seriously, I so agree with your assessment of how people view themselves vs how they are viewed by others. I actually quit hanging out with a woman because she was always complaining about how her boyfriend berated her every time she gained a single pound. I thought she was stunningly beautiful with a great figure and it really bothered me that she didn’t stand up to him. He was nice looking, but not in her her league, in my opinion. She actually justified his comments with, “He’s just trying to help. It really wouldn’t be good for me to gain weight and lose control of my looks.” I couldn’t stand to hear it any more!

  2. strategerie Says:

    Ohhh, kissing. It’s one of life’s greatest joys. It’s free, there’s no calories, and if it’s done right, it goes on and on and on.

    I do not understand why anyone would not want to become the best kisser they could be. Truly.

    I hope you find a wonderful kisser. We all deserve them, don’t we?


  3. […] In “In search of the elusive good kisser” I share the challenge of finding men who fit my criteria in this area. As I’ve gone […]

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