Clues a guy is just looking for a booty call

Male CallI have a new friend, the writer of “Male Call,” a syndicated newspaper columnist on “Advice From a Guy.” I asked him a question I thought might interest you. We had this exchange:

DG: What are signs a guy is just looking for a booty call on the first date?

MC: Wait a sec — who says guys are angling for anything more than a soul-stirring, earnest conversation about their feelings on the very first date?

Just kidding. We want to talk about your feelings, too.

No, but seriously. There are indeed a few things to watch for. One is excessive touching. Remember, it’s the first date — shoulder rubs and thigh squeezes are for later in the process — maybe the second date. An offhand, seemingly absentminded brush of her forearm as you’re making a point about thermonuclear dynamics is fine. We encourage it, even; it’s a subtle sign that you’re interested. (But on second thought, leave out the thermonuclear part.)

DG: This is good. I’ve had that thigh squeezing you reference. Also, French kissing within minutes of meeting me, and “accidental” brushes of my breast. I’ve been tempted to ask “Do I have SLUT tattooed on my forehead?” I’ve even had guys tell me what positions they envision us in before the night ends. Yuck!

Any other clues, oh wise MC?

MC: You’ve touched on another one: he continually steers the conversation toward something sexual, or at least suggestive. You: “So, have you seen any good movies lately? I loved Little Miss Sunshine.” Him: “Yes, I have! It reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Thong Party III. You know, I happen to have a copy at home. I live just around the corner.” Bonus warning tip: He picks a place to meet that happens to be very near his bachelor pad.

DG: You are so right, again! I had a guy suggest we go back to his place within minutes of meeting me. And I’m not showing up in cleavage-revealing, tight, short slutware or being provocative. I’d like to think I just have this mojo thing going, but I know it’s really more about his having a horny thing going.

Thanks, MC. I guess I know more about this than I thought! But always good to hear it directly from a guy.

(If you don’t get Male Call in your local newspaper, you can subscribe via RSS or read it online by clicking on the link.)

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Explore posts in the same categories: Dating after 40, Dating chemistry, Getting your dating attitude on, Playing the online dating game, Second dates and beyond, The first date

19 Comments on “Clues a guy is just looking for a booty call”

  1. Bruce Daley Says:

    To be completely honest (and I may get kicked out of guy union for revealing this) every date at some level is a booty call! It is just a question of degree. When it is not is when you don’t call anymore.

  2. Liz Says:

    Bruce,

    While it’s probably safe to say that most men–and most women–want and expect sex as part of a relationship or even outside of one, I think that booty call implies that sex is ALL that one wants out of the relationship or at least out of that particular date/encounter with that person. Obviously sometimes we meet somebody we are hot for, but still desire more.

  3. Bruce Daley Says:

    You are right Liz. The fact most men and women expect sex is what makes dating different from other forms of social interaction. As the proud recipient of some booty calls (i.e. let’s get together after I go out with my Latin girlfriends…I’ll be there at midnight) you are also right about the difference between booty calls and dates where you attempt to get to know the other person better. Thanks for showing me the path.

  4. Male Call Says:

    Bruce, you’re officially out of the guy union…how can you even consider divulging the secret that guys … want … sex?! And to think we had the gals all fooled ….

    OK, we won’t kick you out, but you do get a five-game suspension.

  5. Catherine Says:

    It’s nice to know I wasn’t misreading the “signs” when a recent first date did almost everything listed above, he DID just want a “booty call”. While flattering, the “yuck” factor was pretty high, and I wondered if “EASY” was tatooed across my face when I wasn’t looking. Honestly guys, telling a woman your favorite sexual positions on the first date won’t get you a second date!

  6. bookyone Says:

    OK, call me old fashioned, but after being burned way too many times over the years by the immature booty call boys who aren’t interested in a serious long term relationship, I have decided to wait until marriage for my next sexual encounter. No, I’m not particularly religious and I’m not a prude, I’m just older and wiser than I was in years past and tired of playing games. IMHO, waiting separates the good guys (i.e. the commitment oriented, marriage minded mature men) from the game playing boys of all ages.

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

  7. Marina Says:

    My first date after my divorce was most definately a booty-call. When he made brash comments about the motel next door to the restaurant where we had dinner I got uncomfortable. And then the yuck factor really kicked in when the subject of going bowling came up. I mentioned I had my own bowling ball, he replied, yeah, and he had two balls.

    Good to know that I’m still attractive after being married for several years, but I don’t recall having the word slut tattooed on my forhead either! But if it’s true that the first one after a divorce is never a keeper, then I just paid my dues! Hopefully the next one will have more to offer.


  8. It’s just amazing that boys never outgrow their immature sexual tendencies. When you mentioned having a bowling ball at home, and he said he had two balls of his own that is like the most immature thing. I am so sure that you didn’t have slut on tattooed on your forehead, but I am sure that he did. What a double standard, but things are changing somewhat because women talk about slut men too! These days with all the diseases hanging around no one wants a slut male or female.

    To the person that thinks she has paid her dues with dating the guy that said he had two balls, I hope you are right! Good luck!

    To the person that is going to wait around until marriage to have sex again, you will definitely weed the non-serious ones out. You have set your price high, and I am sure your are worth it. Hang in there.

  9. Paulette Says:

    Bruce, I wanted to thank you revealing this information. I do agree with a lot of these comments on the website. It’s nice to know I wasn’t misleading the signs when I had met a guy in 2004. My first & second date he just did want a “booty call”. He continually steers the conversation towards something sexual or least suggestive, excessive touching. I really got turn off. I loss interest, and haven’t wanted to interact around him the last 3 years. I’ve read everyone comment on the website. Thank you for very much. Everyone comments have been really helpful, and I no longer have uncertainies.

  10. Lulu Says:

    I agree with Paulette, women become uncertain of themselves after returning to dating later in life, they are often even more vulnerable than when younger. I feel an almost pathetic level of gratitude that everyone contributes their experiences and theories here, and I’m finding it very useful for shedding light on previous dating mis-haps as well as illuminating current experiences. It has also made me question my own behaviour, my own expectations and optimisms. I think I may be becoming the realist I always should have been except that constant romanticism got in the way.

  11. Hunter Says:

    …..lots and, lots of men don’t know, that, most of the time, they don’t have to lie to a woman…..

  12. Chati Says:

    I met a guy last weekend at a party and he seemed really nice. We chatted for hours and he took my phone number saying that he’d cal me during the week to arrange for us to meet up. Much to my disappointment he called me last night at 4am, obviously quite drunk asking if I would come out for a few hours!! lol What??!!. I was half asleep and actually thought that I was dreaming. From what I can recall I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t that kind of operator and if he wanted any kind of response from me he would have to call me during daylight hours and when he was sober, hung up on him and switched my cell off.I was so disappointed when I woke up this morning to discover that it wasn’t in fact a dream and that my ‘nice guy’ had turned out to be a real creep. What do you think? Is this a forgivable faux pas?

  13. krystle Says:

    No, Chati. Him being drunk like that brings out his real feelings. He just wanted sex. So don’t ignore the signs over. If you have to question a guys motives at any point or time, then he is exactly what you r thinkin.

  14. Lisa Says:

    43 years should be old enough to know better. Let me explain. This is quit unusual. I knew someone in my teen age years, who asked me to go steady, till my dad broke us up. Over the years, I thought so highly of him that every man I have ever dated had something in common with him, rather unconsiously on my part, even if it was as vague as his proportions and hair color (I was an art major). Unfortunately, none of them were really like him. Finally, a close friend convinced me that I should contact him. I have been considering just that for years. He’s living in a foreign contry, recently divorced, teaching. We even exchanged some rather hot photo’s and been emailing each other for almost a year. He told me in his first email that he would visit soon. That was last year. I’ve noticed that some of my questions go unanswered. He suggested talking on Skype, then seemed to forget all about it. I’ve given him the benifit of the doubt. Considering his painful divoce, I wanted to be there for him, care about him. I don’t want him hurt, even if he is leading me on. I don’t want to rush him or give a bad impression. So far, he has put off visiting at least three times, but won’t let me help him out. Now his emails have sort of slowed down and gotten impersonal. I realize everyone works hard and is tired. Maybe I’m being too forward, but ten months is a long time to wait to see someone and I am waiting, not dating.

    Last weekend, I emailed and asked him point blank if I could call him. I asked him to email me back and let me know. No response. I know, he’s busy or climbing a mountain or stuck in a tsunami or just hasn’t checked his email lately. Biggest fear is that he’s married and I’m a big joke to him, but I know him. He’s so good looking and such a sweet heart, I can’t imagine women ignoring him. Even at age 14 he had the biggest heart and was the best sholder to cry on when my dog died (I was 15 at the time) and I had just met him. I won’t pursue if he’s not responding, but I sure do feel uncomfortable. I’ve backed off several times and heard from him via email later, only to find out he had some exotic excuse. I only hope he really is ok and happy. Other than that, I think I’d better give this one his space as we live on different continents and I don’t want to mess up his equilibrium. Any thoughts?

  15. Shirely Says:

    Wow. This is truely honest…I do agree with most of the comments and that yeah it is hard getting back on track after you’ve realized the signs match up to what you didn’t want to match up in the first place. Being a booty call is something im sure no one wants to be, and over the years you realize “well it was kind of nice that he wanted me as a booty call”, not in a regretful I – should- have -went -along with- it- kinda- way, but more of a form of flattery. 🙂 of course I sound insane but that’s what many people fail to do, look at life as a big compliment and move on. They say you learn from your mistakes but a person can only make so many mistakes . Right?? On a more personal view, I have had struggles in life, as im sure many of you have as well, but even so I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and if I hadn’t been a booty call I wouln’t know that the love of my life was there waiting for me to lean on him. Life goes on, take the struggles as a way of knowing your human, your alive. God bless 🙂

  16. Sinead Says:

    In response to what lisa said…this guy has obviously changed from the sweetheart he was over 20 years ago. People change as they get older through what they experience..making most people sensible wiser human beings and the rest regress into becoming more insensitive and withdrawn people. This man you met years ago might as well like you said be going through a tough time after his divorce..and his then wife has obviously had a major effect on him. Maybe he doesnt trust women much anymore? Or maybe hes so concerned with his own life and problems that he doesnt consider how you feel when hes constantly avoiding your questions?….just my opinion.
    Anyways, im only 19 and i have a feeling a lot of the readers are going to think “oh this girls got so much to learn in life,what would she know?”…i know enough about how misleading young men can be when it comes to wanting to find one decent enough to go out with. Earlier this year i broke up with my boyfriend of 3years..everyone told me that i would never ever find a guy like him again as he was so in love with me and treated me like a princess. This was true, but i thought that id be sure to find at least another sensitive and caring boyfriend.How hard could it be? 7 months later im still single and sick to the bone of guys only wanting to get into my knickers,all they see is sex in me..im attractive and get attention when i go out..dress appropriately. They all try their luck. Flattering it was at first, now its so disheartening that they dont want to get to know me, and dont realise that im a cool person with a fun loving personality. Its a no win situation,where if i fool myself into thinking a guy is genuine and spend the night with him, i end up with an emotional scar of “what did i do wrong? why is he ignoring me now, when he could at least show the respect of saying hi or a civil conversation?” and on the other hand if i say no to sleeping with a guy because i would like for us to get to know each other better, he takes a running jump and vanishes off the face of the earth. Ive been fooled enough in these 7 months with 1 guy especially, telling me he loved me and wanted us to go out, only to find out he was leading me on and was only joking about that. Goes to show,all he was looking for was sex and I never had sex with him thank god, intuition worked then, but he made an utter fool out of me. He is a player and i know how to look for this type of guy now, lesson learned. My experiences so far have made me cynical and i try not to categorise all men the same due to fault of my own poor judgement, but it makes finding the right guy look like a life-long assault course…exhausted from it all when you reach the finish line! Just shows men are like are like roses..you just have to watch out for the p***ks!

  17. Norah Says:

    Lisa – your sweetheart of 20 years ago is probably juggling multiple women where he is living or has lost interest because sometimes cyber relationships are nice when people are scared of real intimacy. Your situation has all the signs of a guy who has was into you because you had a past connection but not enough to take it to the next level because it would have meant getting closer. He’s probably playing the field close to home. I’d keep moving and don’t waste your time. Yes, men get hurt by divorces just like women do but believe me most don’t waste time sitting around for the next girl to land in their lap they go out and find it. Especially if he is good looking, he likely has women throwing themselves at him. Until you talk to his ex wife you are never going to know what really happened in the divorce and it always takes 2 to tango. You sound like a nice sensitive person and he is not appreciating you. Move on. There is a better guy out there for you close to home that you can check out in person and get a feel for what is going on. Take care.

  18. Norah Says:

    As for booty calls, I think a lot of guys are going to try to see how far they can get on the first date. If they don’t get far and you set limits, the good ones will respect it and call you back. If they don’t, keep moving – you don’t need some lech who just wants to have sex. Unless that is all you want too. So it all depends on your goals for a relationship. I am of the belief that it is better to wait and have a few dates and get to know the person before having sex but I have seen people who had sex right away and it lasted for a while (years). Also, for me, if I wait to long to have sex with someone I lose interest in sex and then see them only as a friend because the lust wore off and now I see them in a less romantic light. I need romance to get me going in the situation but it has gotten me in a lot of trouble so for now until I figure this dilemma out I’m going to play it safe and get to know the guy before sleeping with him. At my age (52) most men are looking for companionship and relationships and are not really into the booty call thing. That happened to me a lot when I was younger. A lot of women just want sex and are not interested in relationships so it works both ways. I think that making them wait and doing things the old fashioned way is still the best. the trick is knowing how long to wait before one of you loses interest.


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