What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?
Competitive people keep score. They note accumulated points and penalties. I think we do this with our dates but it’s usually unconscious.
So I’ve devised a chart to illustrate what usually happens in our minds. We track the things we like and weigh them against the things we don’t like or are disappointed by. Sometimes these disappointments are things that are said or done (watching TV over your shoulder when out to dinner, insulting something dear to you — even if unwittingly). More often disappointments are things not done (didn’t call when he said he would, forgot promises or important dates).
In “Tracking your date’s score” I suggest a guy starts with 100 units or points. He can earn more by doing things you like and loses points for disappointing you. I know this sounds harsh. But the truth is we’re doing this mentally anyway, whether we actually assign points to the actions/inactions or not.
Look at the chart below to see how I think we track these points on the Delight/Disappointment Scale. (Click on the chart to get a bigger view.) Notice this guy’s score hovers around the midpoint — he doesn’t do a lot to delight nor disappoint. Then New Year’s Eve with no invitation. (This is the same guy who blew off Valentine’s Day last week. As one of my pals said, “This guy doesn’t get you and how to treat you!” I’m afraid when I look at the chart, I’d have to agree.)
Maybe you don’t want to be as analytical as keeping a chart like this. But I do think it is important to be conscious of how he comes out on the Delight/Disappointment Scale. We can all handle disappointments when someone is on the positive side of the scale most of the time. No one is perfect, and we are bound to disappoint the other at some time. However, if there are too many trips to the south side of neutral time to reassess the relationship and discuss it with him if you have been dating for a while (he deserves to know so he can fix it if he wants), or move on.
How does your current guy rate on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?
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Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
February 18, 2007 at 2:05 am
DG, my current guy is solidly on the delight scale! (I almost don’t want to say this as it gets people annoyed with you…)
First date was fun, lunch, a visit to a charity shop window where I’d donated some stuffed animals, a look at my studio, a hug.
Two more meetings, still great fun, even with his little boy as chaperone. (Little boy really likes me, a bonus!)
Lots of long phone calls, text messages, talks about feelings and ideas.
Pinch me, I may have found the man who doesn’t disappoint.
February 18, 2007 at 8:51 am
Gatti — It’s great you found someone who delights you! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! And that his son likes you, too, what a wonderful bonus. Let’s hope this is a long-lasting one.
February 18, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hmm avoiding you on new years and valentine’s is very telling. He’s sending a signal. Don’t put anymore eggs in that basket lady.
February 18, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I didnt score so well you have a great blog btw its helped me answer quite a few questions that ive had about the dating scene…
February 20, 2007 at 8:50 am
Hey DG. If this is the guy who didn’t want to dance or leave because he paid to get in–yikes, leave it behind you. I am really convinced he is clueless (and possibly my ex) and we are way to mature to be training new men unless they are “pups” (under age 35 in my book). It is uncanny that we think so alike since I have a less ridged score system. If I am disappointed a lot, that is my red flag.The guy I’ve been seeing recently (casually 5 months) was supose to call me NewYears so that we could meet up for a drink and didn’t. I left a message for him saying that I was disappointed. He has let two or maybe three weekneds go by with no contact, after I told him that it that I at least would like a check-in call even if we weren’t going to see each other. On Valentines Day he called at 8:00 pm to say hello and wish me one after not hearing from him for over a week, including the weekend. He came by after to plow my drive way (snow storm here in NY) I haven’t heard from him since! I know I will over the next couple days, but now I am so disappointed that I will probably blurt something out like, “hey slacker, I met someone else in the time it took you to get together with me again.” And funny about that—I did. This is the second time around for us, I think he should know by now. Any thoughts?
February 21, 2007 at 11:20 am
Hey DG,
My new date from last weekend sent me flowers today with a card that said “Thinking of you today and Can’t wait to see you this weekend.” I believe I am being “courted”?! This is what it is suppose to be like. Meanwhile, since I haven’t heard from slacker, he thinks we are still seeing each other “casually.” Talk about clueless? Guess when he calls I will just say “Who?” 🙂
February 21, 2007 at 11:59 am
Sharon, my guy left flowers in my mailbox when he was on a journey that took him past my house. He sends me funny, loving text messages during the day, emails on days when we’re not together, phonecalls on evenings ditto. I got a present from another trip. Yes, sounds like courted. Nice, isn’t it?
April 14, 2007 at 12:05 am
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February 4, 2010 at 4:12 pm
This article was telling of my bf of 2 years. I’m moving on! I thought it was me but he puts no planning into anything.
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