How to detect the end is near

Many midlife women have shared that they are blindsided, as I have been, when a man breaks up with them or just disappears. We are curious what signs we missed that the end was coming. Here are a few things I and others have noticed in retrospect.

• He starts acting jerky. A friend shared with me that when he wants to break up with a woman, he starts acting like a jerk so she’ll break up with him. The reason he wants her to break up with him rather than the other way around is because there is less drama for him that way.
• He calls less. You can tell there’s been a shift when he calls less frequently than in the past. He’d been calling every day and now starts skipping a day or two, giving you excuses why he “forgot” or “got busy.” Once in a while this is okay, but if his daily calls are now every 2 or 3 days, look at it as a yellow flag.
• He touches you less. If you usually hold hands while walking, now he puts his hands in his pockets. If he usually puts his arm around you in the movies, now he holds his drink the whole time.
• He doesn’t talk about future plans. There is no “Let’s go to XXX this weekend,” or “We should go see that new movie.”
• He neglects his grooming. He no longer bothers to shave before seeing you, or put on cologne, or wear anything other than old sweats. Yes, as you get more used to each other, couples usually relax their grooming habits. But now he never seems to want to look good for you.
• He doesn’t want to go anywhere. Instead he wants to bring in a DVD and take out — or have you cook. He’s not willing to invest any money in you and the relationship. You have been relegated to booty call.
• He goes home after said booty call. Not much cuddling, and no waking up together. So no spending the next day together.
• He takes home his stuff. If he kept a toothbrush at your place, or other personal items, they begin to go home with him until there’s nothing left.

What have you noticed are signs that the end of the relationship is near?

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