Sexual desire is alive and well in daters over 50

passionAlert reader Paulette sent a link to this article, “Sex, Lust And Passion Top Baby Boomer Love Expectations” for us to mull over.

According to a study conducted by Wanobe.com, “The Lifestyle Place for Those Over Fifty,” a UK site, singles over 50 are twice as likely as their younger counterparts to have sex on the first date. I wonder how this would compare to how Yanks would respond. Are Americans looser and hornier than our UK brethren, or more reserved because of our country’s Puritan forebearers?

They surveyed more than a thousand 50- to 65-year-olds who were members of Europe’s largest dating service. Thirty-seven percent of the over 50’s said they’d have sex on a first date compared to 18% of the under 40’s. (So what happens if you’re between 40 and 50?) Are the midlifers more sexually liberal because we grew up during the sexual revolution? Or are we more comfortable with the notion of casual sex? The latter seems counter to what I’ve read about boomers and dating sex, which is that midlifers aren’t as run by their hormones, they are willing to wait for sex until they have a strong tie with the person they have been seeing.

The survey’s wording is interesting. It asked, “Would you have sex on the first date?” “Would” is different than “have.” Lots of horny people would have sex anytime — but they don’t have the opportunity. So given the chance to have sex on a date with someone who has agreed to spend the evening with you — hey, sure!

The report doesn’t break down the data by male/female. So let’s guess at the numbers. If the respondents were evenly divided, and 72% of the men said yes, only 2% of the women would have to say yes to make the total 37%. Even if we double the women’s percentage to 4%, it means 70% of the men would say yes. This seems about right, based on what my readers have shared and I’ve gleaned from other sources. Not that women aren’t as horny as men — but I think most women still have some stigma around doing the deed on the first date. I would be very surprised if a nearly equal number of women and men responded yes.

Interestingly, 76% of the women who said they’d have sex on the first date said they wanted to be “wooed” by their date first, and they expected the man to pick up the bill. So if he buys dinner, you’ll have sex, but if he doesn’t, no? And I thought buying sex from non-sex workers was dead! So the truth is the women respondents just didn’t want to be a cheap date! I wonder if fish and chips qualifies as “wooing.”

Just for fun, let’s say the 37% is equally divided between men and women. So 370 total said they’d have sex on the first date, 185 men, 185 women. Seventy-six percent (women wanting to be wooed first) equals 141 women. So a bit more than a quarter of all the women respondents (28%) say they’d like the man to buy them dinner first. That feels like a reasonable percentage.

And those surveyed don’t just want sex — they want it NOW! Seventy-three percent of respondents “intend to find a fulfilling sexual relationship in the next 12 months, while 84% want a full sexual relationship with the next person they meet.” Read that again — “the next person they meet.” What if you are the lucky recipient of an email from that person and you accept an invitation for a drink. Do you think that person may be a tad sexually overwrought? A bit sexually aggressive? Have different expectations for the encounter than you might have? This certainly explains a lot of the inappropriate first-date behavior we’ve discussed here.

The good news is this study shows that midlifers are still interested in being sexual and passionate. At least those answering the survey, which was pitched to members of a dating site, which makes sense, doesn’t it? If someone wasn’t interested in romance and passion, s/he wouldn’t be likely to join a dating site, right? So the study is skewed because of the self-selection.

What do you think about this study? Does it seem right to you, or are Americans a different breed? Our UK readers, does this ring true for you? How would you answer if you were asked the question, “Would you have sex on a first date?”

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13 Comments on “Sexual desire is alive and well in daters over 50”

  1. writesome Says:

    Let’s just say…If I’m still single at 50, or single again, I won’t be wasting any moments worrying about what some guy, or anyone else thinks of me. If I feel it, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t. That’s sounds like great advice at 40 too. Maybe I’m finally starting to distinquish between love and sex. Although I’ll always prefer love. **Reader from Canada.**

  2. Ally Says:

    Perhaps mid-lifers are more pragmatic and believe they have less to lose or, as writesome says, can distinguish between love and sex. I think we all make a calculation before we have sex (especially women) on risk vs reward, and expectations vs likelihood of fulfillment.
    For myself, I am less wrapped around the axle about early sex, but perhaps that is because I have set my expectations on relationship outcomes lower, and know when I need an itch scratched.
    See, now I don’t know if that’s pragmatic or sad, or even if my lack of knowledge is sad or unimportant.

  3. Kari Says:

    No, I wouldn’t be comfortable enough with a person on a first date, I may want to, but I am quite certain I wouldn’t. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to wait until a specific number of dates or timespan has elapsed before considering sex, feeling that once you are of a certain age, you get an idea of how suitable your date is a lot quicker than when you are younger.

    This is all theorising of course, I have only had a small amount of sexual partners in my entire life and I am not going to begin sleeping around now!

    Interesting discussion though.

    Kari x
    UK

  4. greendaze44 Says:

    Hmmmmm, as usual, I feel we can’t generalize people or even the situation. If I met a guy on a first date and he was gorgeous and wooed me properly, not particularly with food, but with a good time of laughter and fun and we just plain old hit it off, I might would sleep with him if the moment clicked that way.
    If I went out on a date for the first time with someone I didn’t feel any click with, I wouldn’t even consider sleeping with him.
    And usaully by the conversation you have that evening, you know where he stands in life. He’s ready for a relationship, he’s not ready for one, he’s just wanting to have fun at this time in his life and on and on. It also has to do with where I am in my time in my life. There is a guy around 30 years old in my town, who is gooooood lookin’, great body, need I say more. Anyway, I’m not ready for a relationship and I wouldn’t want one with him because he’s not the kind you would want to marry, but I should would have a one night stand with him. After being with my husband for 12 years, dealing with premature ejacualtion, I could use some good, hot and heavy sex. But there are always so many variable in a situation. I live in a small town, so I know him. It would be harder to just meet a guy and go to bed with him. Certainly not one off the internet.
    (BTW, I would use a condom. Everyone always seems to think I wouldn’t think of that.)

  5. walt Says:

    I think mid-lifers are more willing to consider first date sex because they have less years to lose off their lifespan than younger people in the event that they catch a fatal STD.

  6. hunter Says:

    to greendaze44,

    you are right, you don’t want to marry a boy toy…

  7. Lance Says:

    I don’t doubt the results……by their fifties, most men and women are more experienced sexually…..and therefore more willing and able to make a call…
    and that be one to “go for it”…having said that…

    what I doubt is the level and intensity of desire….for I believe there is no question that
    most, not all, but most post menopausal women don’t really have the passion and stamina anymore for really great sex, and too many of the men are just too fat and
    out of condition.

    Of course, there are exceptions.

  8. hunter Says:

    …men age and we get sensitive, we cry when we hear the national anthem,,,,,as women mature, they lose some of their sensitivity…I’ve been told, their is somewhat of a role reversal…

  9. Kiriecat Says:

    I’ve never responded before, but this one got me. I’m almost 60 and I met someone last year after thirteen years of being single and celibate by choice. After one coffee date and several phone calls – on our first “real” date – we had amazing sex. We have continued to do so for a year now. We would put most young folks to shame – in fact we joke that probably grandparents shouldn’t act like we do, but we enjoy it. Yes, I’m a little overweight and out of shape (he isn’t) but that has not affected my stamina or my desire. I knew the first time he kissed me we’d end up in bed – lots of chemistry there. Yep, I was in the “if it feels good, do it” generation, but I was also waiting for someone special. It’s not a mater of stamina, it’s a matter of chemistry. I said I’d never settle and I haven’t.

  10. Christine Says:

    Kiriecat – LOVE your comment. Thanks for sharing information that keeps a girl motivated to stay in the game!

  11. hunter Says:

    13 years of celibacy…..hmmmmm…13 years….

  12. Ripunjay kumar Das Says:

    I need the information of sexual desireness of more than 30 years old women.

  13. Gatti Says:

    That’s most of them, isn’t it?


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