Being played by a pathological liar

I think of myself as a good judge of character. I usually trust my gut and can often feel when something isn’t right. If something doesn’t make sense, I question it. While I generally trust people and look for the good in them, I am also skeptical. I am not easily fooled.

But he did it. He spun plausible stories, so even when his explanations were a tad over the top they seemed believable. He even admitted things sounded crazy. His voice was so convincing, I decided he would have to be a very good actor if what he was telling me wasn’t true.

He was. It turned out he was a practiced liar. So much so, his family members repeatedly encouraged him to get psychological help.

How do I know? After talking to him daily for nearly a month, going out on a few dates and his expressing his deep connection to me, I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks. The last time we spoke he said he’d call me back in an hour. He didn’t. I became concerned about him. A week before that last conversation, he’d totaled his car and was in the hospital for a few days. I was worried that he might have had a complication and was back in the hospital.

I left him a few voice mails and emails trying to see if he was okay. When I didn’t hear back, I imagined him in a hospital bed. I knew where his sister worked, so finally braved calling her to see if he was all right. She was sympathetic and helpful.

“My brother is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. But he is not all that he has led you to believe.”

“What do you mean?”

“He embellishes and fabricates.”

“He lies?” I wasn’t surprised, just wanted to confirm.

“Yes.”

We went through the things he had told me. Some were true, others weren’t, and some she wasn’t sure about. Yes, he owned a Lexus as he told me, but she didn’t know about the other car he supposedly rolled. She hadn’t heard he had been in accident in the last month, even though they talked just last week. She confirmed he wasn’t married and didn’t have a girlfriend. When I asked what he really did for a living, she said what he told me is what he had told their mother, but they weren’t really sure. Yes, the story he shared about his past girlfriend was true. But the cousin he told me died in his arms was still alive. And she had no knowledge of his being offered or taking a job out of state.

He is really eleven years younger than he told me. Instead of his being seven years older than she, he is really three.

I shared with her, “I found a listing on the Internet in his name in his town for a driver’s license suspension in 2004. He denied it was him.”

“That was him.”

“Odd thing to lie about.”

The things he lied about were strange. People usually lie to get out of something and/or to present themselves as someone they aren’t. So why would he lie about his cousin’s death and the age difference between him and his sister? I can see why he might lie about the job, but he spun an elaborate tale about that.

“My mother, father and I have all told him he needs to get psychological help for his lying. He hasn’t sought any. He learned to lie at an early age as a way to survive in our tough childhood neighborhood. Now there’s no reason to lie, but he still does it. We don’t know if he’s bored and this makes life more interesting, or why he does it. We don’t believe most of what he tells us until we have proof.”

While I felt foolish to be duped, I was actually relieved to get answers. I like mystery movies and when the riddle isn’t solved cogently, it’s unsettling. My feelings for this man had dissipated but I wanted to close the book having some questions resolved. Don’t we wish every man who says or does something that doesn’t make sense had such a forthcoming sister to tell us the truth?

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30 Comments on “Being played by a pathological liar”

  1. kiriecat Says:

    I’m so sorry – that must have felt awful. I remember reading your blog about the cousin – and not jumping to conclusions. So he was scrambling to find an excuse for not calling and made it all up – what a talent to be able to tell such a story off the cuff. It’s just too bad he can’t channel that into something useful instead of hurtful. I’m guessing he thinks his life is boring and needs to embellish to feel “interesting”. I guess you should be glad to find out now instead of later that he truly is not who he presents himself to be – or you think he is. Some liars are very good. I’ve always held to the idea that it’s much easier to tell the truth since you have to think less. It can get hard to remember what you told someone when you lie – and pathological liars can make you think you’re the one that’s crazy. I’ve been there – I was married to one for 22 years.

    Yep, family is great. Once you’ve met the brood you can count on them to expose the truth. I guess that’s why we wait to introduce our men to our family – and they wait as well. I’ve met my Prince’s whole family – and ex family (he has grandchildren and he takes me to their birthday parties). He doesn’t hesitate to leave me alone with his friends and family which gives me ample opportunity to ask about anything. I don’t think there are any surprises for me. We’ve been dating just over a year now and he is the most open person I’ve ever known. I am truly blessed.

  2. luvs_chocolate Says:

    It sounds like we met the same guy…except I was with mine for 5 years…I moved away from where he is but continued to see him “when it was convenient” for him. He told me his nephew was shot & killed outside a bar in South Carolina….but said he was unable to go to the funeral since he had been there a month prior (which was a lie) he hadn’t seen his mom for 18 yrs. I was going to send his mom and sister a sympathy card…imagine my embarassment if I had….but I would have found out the truth and shown his family what a liar he is. Two weeks ago on a Wednesday, he called me at home while I was at work, left a message on my answering machine…drunk as hell, I never returned his call, he called me again at 4:30 in the morning, now I don’t answer my phone at that time of morning unless its an emergency. I saw his number on the caller ID and ignored it. He called me a week later and told me he had been in the hospital for dehydration for a week…come on now I’m not a Dr. but I never heard of that, then he told me his daughter took him in at 9:00 that Wednesday night…if hes in the hospital how can he call me from his house at 4:30 in the morning and leave a message? I’ve had it, I am through playing these silly games with him. If he has someone else he should be man enough and tell me. I’m grown, I can handle it, it’s not the first time my heart has been broken.

  3. Sassy Says:

    My ex-husband was a liar and cheater. When I confronted him with some of his lies at the end of our marriage, he replied that we “didn’t want to hurt me.” As if lying is so much better. I constantly look for honesty now, and feel it’s one of those real deal-breakers.

  4. hunter Says:

    to DG

    …I am sorry to hear that he is this way….

  5. Catherine Says:

    Please tell me this isn’t Prince Considerate…. if it is, then I see a reason why he is always so considerate, so you won’t call him on the lying. But lying about the things you referenced isn’t so considerate….

  6. Elena Says:

    How horrible. Catherine took the words out of my mouth. I hope this isn’t the guy you were calling Prince Considerate.


  7. Catherine and Elena: No, no, this is not Prince Considerate. He’s too, well, considerate to lie to me! Another guy.

  8. Catherine Says:

    Relieved to hear that they aren’t one and the same man! That being said, lying is the one relationship deal breaker for me. Especially if it is about something big, or important. It shows a lack of character and an inability to be “real” which I find are directly correlated with maturity level. A little white lie, to boost someone’s self confidence aside, there is no acceptable reason for lying.

  9. Becky Says:

    I was married to a man for 12 years who thought it easier and more convienent for him to lie than to tell the truth, even when it would have been simpler to just tell the truth. It absolutely destroyed my faith and trust in men and now I’m trying to rebuild that. He was so convincing that you would never believe that he could be lying to you. I suggested to him that he try and get some sort of counseling, but he looked at me like he thought I was nuts. I don’t think that he believes he has a problem, he has lied so much that I think he thinks the lies are truth. And, DG, it wasn’t just that he lied. He withheld information from me that he should have told me, but just didn’t and to me, that is the same thing. After we had been married for about 3 years, his mother told me he had taken bankruptcy twice and that they had helped him financially many times. So, family can help you discover more about the person – I just know that the next man that will be in my life I want to know as much about as I can – and I will surely take it very slow. I just hope that someday I can trust a man again after my experience.
    For your sake, I’m glad this wasn’t your Prince. Consideration is a valuable asset. As is honesty, full disclosure kind of honesty, loyalty. I think we are all so hungry for someone to cherish us that we tend to overlook lasting qualities that we should be on the lookout for. We all need to have our eyes wide open in any relationship and not be looking at someone through rose colored glasses. Alas, easier said than done.
    B.

  10. Mitsy Says:

    The guy I dated for 3 1/2 months in 2006 was also a liar and his sister was also the one who clued me in on just what kind of guy he really was. He did his share of lying to her as well. It’s very sad and disappointing to find out that a guy is not what he seems to be. But someone who lies about stuff that gives them no kind of gain whatsoever do fall into the pathological liar category. The story of the cousin dying in his arms sounds like a fabricated tale if I ever heard one. I’ve been around men like this before, although cannot say I have dated someone who made up such outlandish lies. Mark’s stories (lies) were really to make himself look better, but a lie is a lie. You cannot ever trust someone who lies and starts believing those lies themselves.

    There is a woman in my hometown who is well into her 50’s. She’s nice looking, dresses nice, and comes from a good family, but she lies about things that also make no sense. She lied about going to see someone in the hospital when she didn’t. The guy’s daughter found out (as was expected) but she never confronted her about it. What was the point in saying she visited him when she didn’t? It was when I heard that story that I decided that this woman was a quart low somewhere.

    Your former guy’s family is right when they say he needs psychological help, but most people like that never seek help because they believe they have no problem whatsoever. You dodged a bullet for sure.

  11. Mitsy Says:

    I will also add something that someone else touched upon. When I was growing up, my Dad used to say it was easier to tell the truth than to lie because then you didn’t have to remember who you told what to. There is a lot of wisdom to that. This doesn’t mean that you have to have full disclosure to every single person you meet, but it does mean that you don’t make up stories or lie in order to make yourself look better or take advantage of someone. That alone should be reason to try to live your life with a clean conscience. Sadly, many of these men were not raised by the kind of Dad I had. If they had, they would not be treating women the way they do with their lies and promises that are phony. There are few men nowadays who have the maturity and self-discipline to be the stand-up kind of guy that most women want.

  12. julie Says:

    sorry to hear that- how horrible!


  13. DG: The stories here are amazing… and it just shows that it happens to the smartest of us.

    Here’s to those Honest Sisters!!

  14. Lisa Says:

    I was married to a man like this for 17 yrs. He had an answer for everything. My mother once made the comment that we wouldn’t know if he was actually wrong or right. What made it worse was the fact that he always included me in his lies to other people. Everything he would say to others he would add, isn’t that right sweetheart. I always shook my head yes. He told me big, big stories! One time we saw an ex-girlfriend of his and he told me that she was such a bitch because she accused him of molesting her 5 yr old daughter. He said it was because he had dumped her. After 17 yrs of marriage I found out he had molested 2 of my daughters. Whoever is in this situation, please see the seriousness of this type of person.

  15. naturegirl Says:

    After being married for 14 years to a liar, I now have a “one lie and you’re out” policy. I tell men up front that I am honest and expect the same of them.

    My analysis of my X’s behavior was that he was never taught to process shame as a child, and thus could not handle criticism or accept blame. This led to narcissistic behavior patterns in which he lied, and then was unable to own responsibility for his own behavior.

    I highly regard a person who can own his own behavior and apologize when he is wrong.

    DG – You got that “get out of jail free” card.

  16. Bobbie Says:

    …guess I win the (booby) prize. I was married to a pathological liar for 27 years. The sad thing was that he was bright enough to do anything he wanted to do, but needed to tell these stories to make himself feel more important. His second wife only tolerated the lies and infidelity for a year. I waited until the “nest” became so uncomfortable that I finally managed to leave. I think that after all those years he believed his own stories. My second husband was a sweet, honest man. What a difference!

  17. greendaze44 Says:

    A couple months ago I creataed a My Space page online and this guy contacted me by sending me an e-mail after he read my page. He said when he read my page he stopped dead in his tracks and thought I was soooo wonderful. After e-mailing back and forth a couple times he sent me his phone number. I called him and we started talking on the phone each day. He said he was a real estate broker and was in Florida at the time and would be home to Austin, TX. soon. I live in Waco, which is only an hour and a half from Austin. We finally made plans for him to come to Waco for us to meet. The night came and he said he had an emergency meeting with an investor from Florida and couldn’t come. We made plans again for the following week. He had another emergency meeting with a lawyer and couldn’t make it.
    It just happened that I had plans to go to Austin the following day for a friend of mine’s graduation. So we had planned on meeting and going to dinner after the graduation. He also supposedly rented a hotel room for me and my friend. I had told him she didn’t want to stay at the hotel b\c she didn’t know him. He was txting me on my phone all day and saying how he was looking forward to seeing me that evening. He txted me all the way up to the graduation and then he STOPPED. He wouldn’t answer his phone after the graduation and has not contacted me since. That was Friday night.
    That was one of the weirdest experiences I have had. I’m thankful that we never went any further now, cause I’m sure it saved me a lot of trouble. I can only imagine what he really does for a living or if he is even who he says he is on his My Space. He played me good. Smooooth talker. That was a good lesson though. I am just amazed at some of the things people can do. Another bus (man) will come along, they always do.

  18. Bill Says:

    Hi all, I am in total agreement about the pathological liars out there. I am (or was) not sure now, semi-engaged to an old friend(female) that is married to my old best friend from high school days. This guy is a piece of work, constantly lies to make himself look better and out of habit. He will not “man up” and admit anything even when confronted with all the facts. I think this habit of his has wore off onto the girl I was suppose to marry at some point. It seems that she finds it easier to lie to me than to come out and tell me what she is really thinking or planning to do. She has not cut all ties with this man and not even filed for divorce yet, yet she says she can`t trust him and could never ever go back to him due to the trust issue. It is becoming way too easy for her to lie to me and she uses the excuse that she don`t want to start an argument and get me pissed off. I came into this relationship the wrong way, I`ll admit that upfront, but she could have been more forthright in her dealings with me and first of all not come to me and saying she wanted to be with me in the first place. We always had deep love for each other but now it is turning into despised feelings and regrets. I HATE being lied to, and whats worse is when they make up these big stories with all the trimmings to make it all sound so believable and true. She has basically become him and now justifies it with her own silly excuses. I am not going to lie to anyone to avoid an argument. Makes no sense to me at all. Would love some advise on getting over a woman after going through all this. Email me at spanky777_1999@yahoo.com

  19. melanie Says:

    For a brief moment, I thought you were discussing my husband, soon to be ex. We met online (mistake #1). He wooed me like there was nooo tomorrorw. I finally agreed to marry him (1997). We moved back east to my home state. I used my stocks and bonds to buy our first house. It was lost in foreclosure as all the house payments had been sent to his girlfriend(s). She was kind enough to send pictures. I forgave (what the sam hill was i thinking?) He’s an alcoholic (like that’s an excuse). Anyway, he hasn’t worked in 4 years. He would get jobs and keep them long enough to get a paystub to prove he was working. He would get opposite shift from me then when I went to bed, say he was going into work (yeah working on his newest girlfriend(s).) And yes, I forgave. He finally went into rehab 4 months ago. He was doing ok. 1.5 mo shy of “graduating” the program he was discovered smoking and kicked out. Mind you, the ONLY reason he entered rehab was he emptied my bank account, and more then half the money out of my sons accounts. My boys and I all had private accounts due to what happened with the 1st house.
    So here I sit, paying his bills. He’s in Oklahoma, unemployeed. Living with his sister. He shouldn’t have a cell phone butshe felt sorry for him and got him one. You see when he went into rehab I found bills I’d never seen. 4 cell phone bills over 63 pages long. The smallest bill $1275.00 (for 1 month). He should have no internet access. Prior to rehab he created 4 chat rooms that I paid for with no knowledge. He was picking up young girls. He’s 45. They were no where near the age.
    I’ve talked with his sister and with him. He’s sorry. He wants to reconcil. He wants to get help. He wants to get a job. He doesn’t go into the chatrooms anymore. He doesn’t talk to his girlfriends anymore (and insists they were never girlfriends). He wants to pay me back. He wants to go to church and to a recovery group.
    Ok, he’s been there for 2 weeks, no job. He has a cell phone and talks daily with the girlfriends. He still has that chatroom. You see, mamma didn’t raise no fool. It’s just my freaking heart that is broken over how stupid I’ve been. What was wrong with me? Why wasnt’ I enough? I’m an attractive woman that saw to his needs.
    Bottom line? I forgive “bobby”. I still love him. I can’t turn the emotions off. But the distance is helping. He’s in the midwest. I’m on the east coast.
    How does one recover from something like this? How do you move on. How do you make your heart stop loving the distructive person?

  20. c9 Says:

    I went searching for this sort of info because I discovered (again) the man I had been talking to is a liar. I have some weird faith he could change…. Why am I so forgiving? You’re so lucky you found out in the beginning!

    Greendaze44: I read your comment about the guy on myspace… he sounds like the guy I have been with. Can you tell me more info so I can know for sure? I live in FL and he was in GA, but he’s from Austin and that’s where he visits each time he’s on leave in the military. Recently he moved to TX because he got transferred. Please contact me. I have been duped by this guy and I’m never sure how deep the deception is. You can contact me through my myspace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=39618831

    -C

  21. sj24 Says:

    These stories sound all too familar. I dated a man for 6 months, he lied about where he was born and raised, where his family lives. He knew I had been married to an alcholic for 24 yrs and didn’t want any part of that…he drank and kept it from me. He lived 20 miles away from me and asked that I not “just drop by” He lied about what job he had when he started at his company. A member of his family told me some of the truths of his life (he is not in contact with them and they don’t know why). Before I broke it off with him, he stloe a ring from my house, The last night we had plans, he didn’t call all day or show up for our date…I went to the play anyway and when I got out, I called him and told him “IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD OR IN THE HOSPITAL…THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR TODAY…SEE YA< BYE!!!” He liked to play games. If he didn’t like what you said, he had to go…if you really pissed him off, he didn’t call for several days. He is a snake and I wish I could warn other women in this area about him, but most wouldn’t listen, I imagine. It is sad that these MEN feel they have to make up things about themselves to impress people. Good character impresses me more than anything. Good luck ladies.

  22. socal.gold Says:

    Good Morning “Dating Goddess” and Fellow “Dating Goddess” Fans! It’s nearly 8:15am here in Arizona, and all is quiet and calm. That’s a GOOD thing! I luvvvvvv quiet and calm! After blitzing through the comments by “Dating Goddess” fans, on the subject of Pathological Lying, seems I’m not alone in the “Need Quiet & Calm” department!

    Desirous of a positive, cheerful start to this day, I’ll not be sharing the horrors of my past w/ ya’ll. It appears as if we all have – more or less – been riding the same rollercoaster, if ya get my drift! Aren’t we, collectively, a bit weary of the drama? Here, here! I second the motion!

    I can, however, disclose my self-improvement kick I’ve been on for many, many months, and will continue to be enrolled in a self-imposed, home study course – Personal Development-101- for some time to come, until necessary and critical changes in thinking, behavior(s) and pattern(s) come about.

    Why u ask? The answer is simple! I want to be able to identify and prevent – through higher education – a future relationship with yet – ANOTHER SOCIOPATH! When reminiscing about goals and hopeful future accomplishments, I see that it somehow slipped my mind to add “Surviving a Sociopath Partner” to the list. Silly me! Where was my head?!

    On a serious note, I’m not likely to make that particular mistake again! I’m blessed and deeply grateful to be vertical and ventilating this morning! “He” didn’t kill me and I (thankfully) did not commit suicide. (reminds me of Amy Grant’s song: “Angels Watching Over Me”) There was indeed, a price to be paid for my naivety and disregard of the “red flags” that now, I so clearly see in hindsight: the complete and total annihilation of (what I used to call) my life! But – I must say, “he” couldn’t have accomplished such a feat without my devoted cooperation and ‘blind’ love. Here I was…. an accessory to the crime of murdering my own life and I didn’t even know it! Go figure!

    I insist ya’ll go to: http://www.hss.caltech.edu/~mcafee/Bin/sb.html.

    Educate yourself about pathological liars with the following article: “Profile of the Sociopath”. I self-educate in a wide variety of subjects, including: psychiatry/psychology/personality disorders, etc.; love/dating/sex/relationships; and, Western & Chinese Astrology/Numerology/Tarot, and the paranormal – to name a few. Personal development is numero uno on a daily basis. How I find time to work towards an AA Degree in the legal field (paralegal) is one of my finest mysteries! (Geraldo – take a lesson!)

    CaliforniaPsychics.com, ivillage.com, and askmen.com are a few of the websites I recommend for articles about relationships, love, dating and sex. Dave Zinczinko’s “Mysteries of the Sexes Explained” on Yahoo Health is another one. You’ll learn how to spot a loser; specific questions to be asking yourself before you say “I do.”; you’ll get some great tips about online dating; you’ll find articles about decoding ‘man-talk’; how to tell if you’re being lied to; 50 things women wish men knew about them, and lots more. (I have not – as of yet – consulted a psychic on CaliforniaPsychics.com. I do however, read most all of their material on the site. SUPER informative articles!)

    Well, here’s to calm and quiet! Lift your coffee cups please! Peace out!

    • tracy Says:

      I was interested in your story of how to avoid a sociopath.. but how do you know when you meet them? And what about family members?

  23. Katie Says:

    Sigh….there are way too many of us here with the same or very similar experiences. My narcisistic, sociopathic husband took nearly 10 years to wipe me out – financially, physically, and emotionally. When he had taken everything there was to take, he picked up his trunk and walked out the door – right into the life of another woman. I was devastated.

    Looking back, I think I knew almost from the beginning that this ‘man’ had a pretty puffed-up image of himself. I married him anyway, naturally….but not before taking an early retirement, cashing in my pension, and paying off all of his debts. I was in love – and only wanted us to have a clean beginning, with no financial baggage to deal with. That was the plan, anyway.

    Ten Years worth of what my husband managed to do – and not do – is just too much to fit on this computer. And as I sit here writing, he continues to drag me down. He has lied about so much – frequently about things that were of little importance. He’s a predator….and very good at what he does.

    It was difficult for me to let go of my marriage….but the years of living like this were taking their toll, and I started to lose ‘me’.. He turned everything around….never once accepted blame or fault for anything…and progressively increased his control over me to the point that I didn’t even need to leave my little computer room except to bathe…. Men like this are a-moral…and I truly don’t believe they can be ‘cured’ of this psyosis. I spent enough time with his mother to see how alike she and my husband are. At least he did me a favor by taking her with him when he walked out of the door for the second, and final time – I fondly consider these victories ‘small ‘satisfactions….smile. We don’t get many.

    This morning I went to the County to apply for general relief. I can’t begin to explain the shame I felt …but I will have to get through this – because there is no other way. I’ve written on blog sites, bulletin boards, search engine sites, and on and on and on – all in an effort to find my husband – and hopefully save some other woman from the pain of falling for his tall tales, and the pain of falling in love with him. He will never get professional help because he believes there’s nothing wrong with him; I challenged him, finally…after I reached a point of having nowhere else to go but up – not really caring if I made it up or not. I just wanted it all to end.

    In an earlier comment, ‘socal.gold’ posted a great link to the pathology of guys like this . I, for one, wish I could have had that link about 10 years sooner….(:


  24. My story is much like the other long term relationships you described. The main difference for me from the erly days was when I became pregnant(we were thrilled) we deceided to marry.I knew about his ex and had discussed her on many occasions. We got the kicense, were married, I had our beautiful son and in the middle of all this bliss he neglected to inform me he forgot to divorce his first wife!! Now, common, thats not something that just slips your mind is it????? we stayed together for 30 years and for 10 of those years, though he would lie about things that didn’t even need to BE lied about. Those years things were really good. We were both deeply in love and his quirk of stupid lies were no more than a blip on our screen of life. But then his Pop passed away and it was as if he became an empty shell. His drive was gone, his zest, and joy in life melted away. That was when the downward slide began and never ended. He turned to doing drugs like he did as a kid……constantly pushing himself to a higher dose or mixing more things to t spur him on.see if he would survive and when he did it would just give him more drive to do better. Watching the spiral was devestating not only to me but our precious son. After 10 years of trying everything I and a series of doctors could do, I had to get out before I lost myself completely to the spiral of drugs and women hurt and the early stages of physical abuse. I loved this man with everything I was and had but watching him slowly commit suicide was beyond me. It took me 2 years after I realized his true love was the drugs before I could walk out. His words were the same as those I had fallen in love with so many years before but now the lies never stopped and he didnt even care if he kept them straight or not. His choice of women became so degrading I had the area hookers coming up to me apoligizing for what he was doing. We have been apart for about 8 years now and I am slowly putting ME back toghether but now our precious son is taking after the father he rarely interacted with as he grew up. What is amazing and truely saddening my son has the EXACT SAME thought prosses and reactions to stress as did his father and his conclusions are drawn from the exact same place of selfisness, he blames others for his behavior, and much as his father, the guilt of hurting someone with lieing or the fallout caused by it never getsto that place with in most others that causes us to be sad or sorry. My son and his father both react more to the point that they must do better since they were caught. Every new concept is usually met with a “what can I get out of this??” first thought. They enjoy the schemeing and planning of an act and the consequences don’t ever enter thier heads. I was blown away with my husband once we actually were able to talk about how he thought and how he came to his decisions. As alien and forein it was to me, I was facinated by it and we would talk in depth so I was able to at least understand it more. My ex’s early childhood was wrought with abandoment and siblings being “sold” and adopted away. He was raised by his step grandfather who beleived more along the lines of beating the problems out then building up the man. The beatings were liberally handed out but he couldn’t break my ex so the build up never came. I thought those were enough reasons alone to set me ex up for a troubled life but adding in the drugs of the late 60’s and on, it was amazing he could even walk and talk. But in contrast my son was raised very differently. We talked about EVERYTHING he had an opinion and input in his life. I am very warm and squishy kind of woman, my son was loved and held. Encouraged and explained to. I let him know how special he was and encouraged his imagination and play. H is rules were consistant as humanly possible and he had to accout for himself when his decisions turned out badly. I tried to make sure he knew his part in this world, helped him figure out where he was comfortable as each new stage came along and tried to teach him his responsibility in his life and toward others. I ALWAYS used please and thank yous and you know, he came out just like his Dad!!! And now as an adult WE talk about how he thinks things out and they are almost EXACTLY the same verbage as his dad! My son was never around for the deep conversations between my ex and I. So, ladies, please try to understand if your man is a pathological liar, it may be as deeply rooted in his genes as it is rooted in his mind. This is not and excuse to feel sorry for the guys, it is a way for you not to fel the guilt imparted on ourselves and thrust on us by the men. They have choices just as everyone else in this world has and if the guys, their families and friends know the guys as a liar and the men do nothing to correct it for themselves, beleive me YOU CANT AND WONT EVER CHANGE THEM!!!!! Get out of the situation, love them from afar if you must, then get on with your life. The downward spiral your life, and the harm to your children in NOT worth the HOPE he will catch on and change. He wont and 20 years later you will have changed so much you wont reconize yourself. Peace and happy hearts to you all!

  25. debbie Says:

    i have spent so many hours and days reading so many stories about these liars, i met the guy i was seeing through the internet, he was so good to me would cook, run my bath pamper me everything i have never had in a relationship, then i found out he never had a house the car he bought was a hire car, but to top it all he said his grandad had died that bit was true and had left him alot of money and he wanted to buy a nice house for us to live in we chose a great house and he went through everything meeting builders estate agents even spoke about it in front of his mum and dad inviting them down for a week endetc, how could i not belive it ? then he said i have also sorted you a parrot out for you birthday as he knew i had wanted 1 so much there is so much more but to much to put down there just a couple of things but when it got closer he started panicking so it all came out it was all lies hes since moved back in with his mum and constantly txts but i said i need a bit of time to come to terms with every thing now i do actually wander does he really love me or just thinks he does

  26. Kim Says:

    Our son too is a pathological liar, he can’t tell the truth to save his life but now he has 3 children whom are suffering for his lies. He’s also dating, engaged or maybe even married to another woman. He is about to be chaptered from the Army due to his inability to tell the truth, we have been on him and on him about his needing help. Now he has gone so far as to call us liars because the girlfriend he is trying to impress was there, and what he has said is a big no no and we can’t forgive it. Sorry you had to witness something like this but you are best out of the relationship. I wish it was so easy for us or his ex girlfriend and child he abandoned.

  27. Stephanie Says:

    I am having a problem. I am engaged to get married in 5 months and I just found out the my fiance, the love of my life is a liar. For the past year he has literally been living a lie and this came out of no where. We have been together for 3 years and this is the first I knew but he made up the craziest stories imaginable and he did it in a way that me and my entire family fell for everything. So now I am at a cross roads. My family doesn’t want him around but I love him and he swears he will get help. I just don’t know if he can be helped. I don’t want to start all over again, we had our life planned. Any advise?

    • Shawn Says:

      My advice after almost 10 years in a bad marriage with a pathy liar (And 2 dear children that are suffering because of it)… RUN. Don’t walk. I finally got tired of living her lies, and am praying that my sanity is not as broken as it feels.

      There is nothing you can do to help them, and the more you forgive, the more they will hurt you.

      I love her still, even though she has destroyed me… but I cannot trust a single thing she says. She has alienated me from every one of our mutual friends, and even most of my family. So now, I need to start rebuilding my life from the rubble.

  28. Reazor Says:

    My pathy liar was in the limelight and a star back in the 80’s so I was enamored by all the people he knew. Problem was, because I was enamored by him, his lies kinda washed over me. Slowly I realized that he was telling loads of lies to make himself look better in others eyes because of his past. Unfortunately, those lies of trying to make himself look better only continued throughout all aspects of his life. I was with him for 2 years but refused to let him move in with me. He kept having to move from place to place, had bad financial responsibility issues and kept losing his supposed “good friends”. He did not take care of himself and I realized what an embarrassment he was to me and that I couldn’t help him become a better person. We were set to marry Nov. 11, 2011. I called it off Jan 29, 2011. He will still text me and call me with his neediness as this is also used in his manipulation. I’m sure a lot of it was still lies. I finally had to tell him not to contact me and to leave me alone and get nasty with him. I am just thankful that I was able to wake up and get strong before he destroyed me and my life. He did not relay he was an alcoholic and felt his pot smoking was not doing drugs. He is in complete denial of his life and takes no responsibility for it. My heart is sad but will heal. I am also sad for who he manipulates and cons next.


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