Does he know what turns you on?

Does the guy you’re dating know what turns you on? Or does he make assumptions based on what turns him on?

naked yogaToday I received a bawdy video emailed from an old beau turned friend. It was clips of naked, buxom women playing various sports — gymnastics, calisthenics, etc. He thought it would turn me on.

I said, “It’s a guy video.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most of the women I know aren’t turned on by naked women.”

“What turns them on?”

“Naked MEN! Good looking ones!”

Now wouldn’t you think a 55-year-old man would know this, considering he was married for 10 years and has had many subsequent girlfriends in the last 20 years? Or did he go with women who were turned on by naked women? Or these past gals didn’t tell him this didn’t do it for them?

I think the lesson here is to not be afraid to tell your guy what gets you going — and what doesn’t. The latter needs to be delivered gently, not angrily or condescendingly. But guy pals tell us over and over — men need clear instructions. They don’t notice hints well. So let him know! You will both be much happier.

(I know you’re thinking, “Does this explain why he’s an ex-beau?”)

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12 Comments on “Does he know what turns you on?”

  1. Deanna Says:

    The men I’ve known are generally too stubborn for this to work. They will INSIST that ALL women are turned on by female bodies just like they are, and that women just *naturally* all have a degree of lesbian tendency. They say that “women just aren’t like men” and that it’s “natural” for women to be turned on by other women and that *EVERY* woman they know will agree with that! Evidently, the Dating Goddess and I are the only two women on the planet that are not turned on by female bodies ๐Ÿ˜‰ (and the men will swear that we just don’t want to admit it) Seriously, I have had many men say these exact same things… sometimes just in general conversation, and sometimes when they were trying to get me to agree to a threesome. They are completely clueless, and discussing it and reasoning with them just doesn’t work.

  2. hunter Says:

    to DG,

    “they don’t do hints well,” this sentence made me smile…..you are right,,,,,,, men don’t do hints well….be as direct as you can, when talking to a man…..

  3. jose b Says:

    oh well ladies, there are many men out there that dont know what women like. iam very sorry for them. iam a latino guy, i grew up with women am not gay no am not, but some how i can get connected and uderstand how some women feel about men, yes we are not as smart as you are,i honestly admit to that. i personally always considered my self dominated by women. 1st , i came from a woman, 2nd there is no man in the world that can say, that for love to a woman he has not cried, and if he does, he is lying. am happy just to have them close for when i see a female siloutte there is no comparison to nothing else in nature.and as my mom always told me, never try to understand women, just love them the way they are.

  4. christine Says:

    hi jose b,

    where do you live? i live in the chicago area.

    christine

  5. walt Says:

    Your ex-beau might be thinking that all women view things like Elaine from Seinfeld: “A woman’s body is a work of art. A man’s body is like a jeep – it’s for getting around.”

    Actually, that kind of attitude in women is very annoying to me. If women can’t see beauty in a well-toned male body, why am I wasting all this time working out?


  6. Walt: Yes, both genders’ bodies can be beautiful and works of art. And we’d like to admire your well-toned one, so care to upload a pic? ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. surfing by Says:

    Ladies, don’t be too smug. One study a couple of years ago showed that it isn’t that men can’t understand women’s subtle signals, but rather that women fail to signal clearly. The study found that even women couldn’t understand other women’s signals. It’s just that the consequences of failing to see those signals in the same gender are less.

  8. sdl Says:

    So, it seems that saying “Porn does nothing for me- in fact, it is soo tacky and fake it turns me OFF” isn’t clear enough?

    I can admire a beautiful silhouette of either the male or female persuasion; but, as a culture, we have been exposed to more female ‘role model’ forms and thus see them through a different lens.
    Men, honestly, look better in the flesh than just the outline ๐Ÿ™‚

    Of course, I mean men like, oh, Jet Li or Keanu Reeves, or Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise- heck, poor Gina Davis became completely invisible in that scene- and that takes some doing!
    “Ah laake yer wife” ๐Ÿ˜‰ Classic line.

  9. Phillip Says:

    My Ex-wife did a lot of hinting that I did NOT pick-up on. It made me feel stupid. It was like sending me a coded message that I didn’t have the decoder for. As far as turning her on I asked her straight to her “What turns you on?” As it turned out some of the things that I never thought of turn her on including grabbing and holding her tight, getting a little rough during sex, like spanking and pinching. Her likes, I just got used to it. So So ladies if he is kinda in the dark about it,you can approach it this way.First ask him what turns him on,then if you can agree with anything that he saids, tell him, also say now here’s what turns me on.

  10. steve Says:

    now then, are we talking about what women like concerning sex, or what they like concerning everything else? this is how i figure things out.
    i meet someone interesting, with nice eyes, it really is all in the eys, and i ask them which messenger service they use or an e-mail address. i do want them technologically advanced. i ask then in a messenger, like yahoo, all sort of questions and i answere them back when they ask. i find out what they like, such as food or fun or volunteering or work. i expect to be asked similar questions and i will answere them. i do not however want to know about daily habits or little idiosyncracies that govern thier lives, i would like to learn that first hand and it can not be done in one “first hand” meeting or date. idiosyncracies can take a life time to learn all of them. we all have them and some of them we dont even know we have.
    now as for sexual turn on and offs, this i want to know because some of them can be deal breakers. and no one wants the deal broken over something simple. there again its time for “twenty questions”. but not all at once, i take my time. what fun is knowing everything at once. kinda takes the thrill out of a relationship. fisrt sex doesnt always have to be bad sex, but is there such a thing as bad sex?
    i admit freely that im complicated, my web site should prove that. how ever my needs are quite simple. i like to do things myself now and then. i can cook and bake, i like it. i also like to keep my home clean, cluttered but clean. i will do almost anything a woman would like to do because my own interests are varied. but i dont do hints and i dont do guessing games. tell me what you want, ill do the same for you.
    so in ending this little tirade, there are a few men out ther who know what women like and what turns them on because we ask and we tell. and no im not trying to procure a date even if this sounds like a profile, hehe i hope i havent confused too many people out there but thanks for the chance to speak my mind

  11. Kev Says:

    Most people here are dead right, men need a straight answer.
    I think when it comes to finding out what turns your love on just try this simple but well tried system.
    When you have both had a bit of a rough patch (we all go through them) and it’s time to “get together” make sure you’ve got some lovely wine to hand (at least two bottles) and then go and run a nice hot bath.
    Once you are both in the bath and relaxing (a bit of gentle massaging goes a long way) start by talking nice to each other (avoid any arguments) and as the wine starts to work its magic start asking what you could do to please each other.
    Before you know it you will discover things about each other you would never have guessed and don’t fail to ask the question (with a smile) “go on, what really turns you on?”.
    I guarantee you will not guess the answer.
    I hope this helps
    Have fun.

  12. danishdonjuan Says:

    I think it makes sense to give guys a straight answer even if it is not always needed for several reasons.
    1. It illiminates doubt which can help focus more attention to setting the mood, the woman etc.
    2. I know many women who don’t know what they want or will go along to just about anything to make a guy happy, they are so self-sacrificing that they don’t even notice their own needs or afraid to be responsible for what they would choose.
    3. As mistrust is one of the key reason why relationships fail it is not a good idea to start the relationship out with poor communication and wrong signals.
    4. Many guys are poor at noticing the signs the womens body gives out and would need instruction as women don’t follow one set of rules, but even for those who does notice it will be a sign of courage, intelligence and honesty that can win respect and trust.

    All that said I have long known that women are more attracted to naked men than women in general, that only makes sense but as women are not as turned on visually as men I think it is easier for them to make a visual switch to a woman than it is for a man.
    I have long been told that women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex and that men are generally too quick to go into sex and too quick in bed and that it’s men who normally fantasize of orgies or 3 somes. But my experience has been the exact opposite. It has always been the women who started sex talks first with me and suggested the 3-somes or orgies which is not quite my thing.
    So as men and women are different its wise to improve communication and be honest with eachother, besides I have found that good communication has been a turn-on to both me and my partner, something I was never told ๐Ÿ™‚


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