The man-sieve

Unless you live in a remote area, there are eligible, age-appropriate single men all around you. You have developed a filter for either attracting them or not, or accepting or rejecting date requests.

sieveBefore you began dating you may have said, “I don’t really know what I want, so I’ll go out with anyone who asks.” Your “man-sieve” has small holes and catches many men.

Or you set abundant criteria a man must meet before you’ll consider going out with him. Your man-sieve is loosely meshed, with large holes, allowing all but a very few to pass through.

As you date a few men, you adjust the man strainer. If you meet too many men who don’t meet your minimum criteria, you loosen your sieve so more fall through, only allowing the ones who are a likely match to be caught.

Or if you find nearly no one meets your expectations, you realize you are being unrealistic and you allow a few more to be caught. Maybe rather than insisting a man be 6′ tall you go out with 5-foot-11 or 5-foot-10 ones. Or rather than turning down anyone who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree, you look for intelligence, articulateness, and worldliness, even though he left Harvard mid-way, à la Bill Gates.

Have you examined your man-sieve lately? We often do so after a particularly odious date — “I’ve got to develop better criteria for who I’ll go out with.” Eventually you come upon a good mix of must-haves with nice-to-haves. You refine your filter so you are only going out with men who are good potential matches.

What have you noticed about how you’ve adjusted your man sieve over time? Have you tightened or loosened your criteria — or perhaps some of both?

Technorati Tags:,,,,,,,, , , , ,

Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to

Explore posts in the same categories: Dating after 40, Who are you and what do you want?

5 Comments on “The man-sieve”

  1. Devon Says:

    We all need to use good filters. I start by eliminating a high percentage of those that contact me who don’t meet the minimum. What has worked best for me is carefully reading the portrait for clues. Does he express himself well, is he positive, funny, active? I look for the nuances and try to read between the lines. My filter has served me well. I’ve dated some great men. We should all consider reviewing/changing our own portrait if it’s not delivering what we are seeking.

  2. Elena Says:

    I’ve noticed that you’ve been posting less frequently. This isn’t a criticism, just an observation. Is the new relationship taking up more of your time or have you decided to reduce the frequency of posts? It’s incredible that you’ve been able to post daily for more than two years so if you’ve decided to ramp down, it would be totally understandable. Just curious.

  3. greendaze44 Says:

    Since I live in Central Texas, my first filter is they have to have all their teeth.

  4. Bill Says:

    Haha!! I am what I consider a pretty cute guy with a large build, few more pounds than I want but not too hard to lose when I`m motivated, about the teeth thing, I recently lost one of my front upper teeth after months of it being loose, how embarrassing, I had already had in the past a few removed from intense pain but not really visible, but this one is right in front and now I have to smile and laugh with my mouth closed. It gives a person a whole different look at him/her self once they lose a tooth like that. Your whole image of yourself changes and you feel that everyone you talk to will instantly judge you by the way you look. Sad but true.

  5. phil Says:

    That’s an interesting way to put it. Adjust your standards to the market place and what kind of results you are getting… Sounds reasonable to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: