Do you hide your “light” from a date?
A gal pal asked me, “How do your dates respond to your accomplishments?”
I responded, “Most don’t know about them.”
“Really? Why not?”
“Because I don’t tell them.”
“Why?”
“First of all, it’s not like I’m a Nobel laureate, Supreme Court judge, Academy Award nominee or brain surgeon. My accomplishments pale compared to other people I know.
“Secondly, some men are intimidated by my resume, even though I know others who have a much more impressive one. I don’t want to start out with someone being threatened. So I don’t bring up anything I think would be intimidating — at least generally not on the first date.
“Thirdly, I find it off putting when a guy recites his resume on the first date. It’s okay if something comes up in context of the conversation, say he comments, ‘I got used to feeling dumb when I felt I was the dumbest Rhodes scholar that year…’ or ‘When I was at Harvard, they had these silly hazings…’
“And fourth, some people would think I’m rich based on what they read on my web site. I’m not. I don’t want a gold digger.”
“But you’re hiding your light under a bushel.”
Metaphorically she’s right. I hide a bit of who I am at first. I am not meaning to be dishonest, but I dole out parts of who I am — including warts — as I get to know someone. I need to trust that he likes me for my personality, not only for my accomplishments. Of course I could argue that these make up a big part of who I am.
Rocket Man said he was at first intimidated by my web page listing of accomplishments. This from an Academy Award winning special effects producer who’s called a legend in the industry. He’s intimidated by me? We identify ourselves at some level by our achievements, even if we don’t flaunt them.
So if your accomplishments are integral to who you are, why hide them? I think we don’t want to drive someone away. We don’t want to seem that we are boasting. And we don’t want to be perceived as way beyond the other’s status. The truth is, achievements don’t always translate into economic assets. In fact, some say there is an “Oscar curse” where recipients have trouble getting work after winning, as others think they are too expensive for their projects.
Do you hide your “light” — your accomplishments — from dates? If so, when do you let out shafts of your light for him to see? If you do hide some of your light, why?
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Explore posts in the same categories: Dating after 40, Dating chemistry, Getting your dating attitude on
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
October 30, 2006 at 3:57 pm
In dating putting your best foot forward is always a sound policy. So if revealing your accomplishments is going to result in an invitation or help you close the deal, I say go for it!
BTW did I mention that Nobel Peace prize I was nominated for recently?
December 17, 2006 at 12:14 am
[…] And speaking of smart, when do you flaunt your intellect? Don’t try to show how smart you are by arguing with him, but keep up your side of the conversation. Share your knowledge in context of the topic. Ask probing, but not interrogatory, questions. In “Do you hide your ‘light’ from a date?” I discuss not hiding your intellectual strengths from your guy. […]
August 7, 2015 at 3:36 pm
[…] willing to share your skills and talents with your date without hiding any part of you. In “Do you hide your ‘light’ from a date?” I shared how I have felt a need not to reveal many of my accomplishments with a date early […]
August 7, 2015 at 3:58 pm
[…] your knowledge in context of the topic. Ask probing, but not interrogatory, questions. In “Do you hide your ‘light’ from a date?” I discuss not hiding your intellectual strengths from your […]