Dateless for Valentine’s?
What if you are like many who are dating — without a regular sweetie with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’ve been dating around, but there’s no one who it makes sense to get all lovey dovey with on this, the snuggle fest of holidays.
So what’s a gal to do? How about treating yourself as your valentine? What can you do to make yourself feel loved? What do you like to do that you don’t do very often? Common activities that women mention are draw a warm bath, play favorite music, light candles and relax. Or order take out, get in your jammies early and snuggle down with a DVD. Or turn up the stereo and dance to your favorite music.
Some women take themselves out for the day or evening, but not to places frequented by couples. Is there a new exhibit at the museum you’ve wanted to see? Been wanting to luxuriate with a massage? Haven’t had a facial or pedicure in a while?
Valentine’s Day is the day to remind yourself what a terrific catch you are. Make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about you. It’s easy to focus on what we don’t like about ourselves. But this is the day to be your own valentine. Write yourself a poem. Put on fresh sheets. Buy your favorite flowers. Fix your favorite meal.
I find this is also a great time to let others I appreciate know I care about them. So this week I’ve been sending free virtual bouquets from flowers2mail.com to former beaus who I’m still pals with. It’s been fun to get their positive reaction. I’ve also sent these bouquets to gal pals to tell them I’m glad they’re in my life.
So don’t let it get you down if you don’t have a steady beau in your life to shower you with affection. You already have a steady love — you! Don’t take yourself for granted!
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Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
February 8, 2007 at 7:37 am
In my area, one of the radio stations is hosting a “bitter ball” for singles on V-day! It isn’t really my cup o’ tea, but your post made me think of it . . . lol. I’ll focus on my kids on V-day–they are my little sweethearts this year. ;o)
February 8, 2007 at 10:57 am
A tradition I started after my marriage ended is that I buy myself something that would be a gift I would have wanted from my husband. For my birthday I reset my engagement diamond into a cocktail ring, Christmas I bought a watch. This
Valentines Day I am giving myself a beautiful pair of earings. I relish in the thought that I am now getting what I really want with out having to ask for it. I am using the same amount of money I probably would have spend on my ex or a new lover for that occasion and their is no bother in having to please him.
February 8, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Hi DG,
I really like this idea. I think it’s about time for me to start a great new V Day tradition.
Regarding the above post, why oh why does everyone in this supposedly enlightened day and age think single people (especially older single women) are bitter and/or unhappy? Compared to my married friends, I have more time to do the things I want to do, more energy to do them and more money to spend on myself. Oh, and I’m usually in a better mood than they are, because I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s BS on a regular basis. If the right guy comes along, I might consider getting involved again, but I’m not jumping through hoops to please anyone; at this time in my life, pleasing myself is WAY more important.
Best wishes from a selfishly happy single bookyone đŸ™‚
February 8, 2007 at 11:20 pm
bookyone–do you really think the people at the “bitter ball” are really bitter? It’s a gimmick to have a party for singles! Also, it’s hosted by a radio station that doesn’t exactly cater to “older single women.” LOL, personally, I cracked up when I heard the commercial! I doubt that anyone there is going to be crying over not having a valentine . . . ;o)
February 9, 2007 at 10:50 am
I have a fun Valentine’s Day planned. In the morning there is an appointment with my therapist. I can cheerfully report to her that I’ve been very good at the last assignment she gave me – standing up for myself. In the afternoon I have a job interview.
Everyone I’m dating lives too far away for an evening date, but today I arrived home after two days at a trade show and there were flowers in my mailbox. Who knows, by next week I may have something quite different to report!
February 9, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Bookyone — My friend Randy Gage (see “Giving, receiving and self-esteem,
https://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2006/12/07/giving-receiving-and-self-esteem/) says you have to be “selfish” to be available to love and take care of others. As if you don’t focus on taking yourself, you’ll be too worn out to take care of — or focus on — anyone else after a while.
February 13, 2007 at 8:12 am
I remember last year at this time I was dating Mark, my “separated but married” boyfriend at the time. He told me he would cook dinner that night (Valentine’s Day). I asked him what he wanted for V-day and he said “cologne”–get something that you’d like me to wear. Now keep in mind, that I worked part-time at Wal-Mart and I knew this guy came regularly into the store to shop & to see me. There were oodles of gifts, flowers, etc. on wide tables at the front of the store. It was impossible to not see this stuff as you walked into the store. So, I bought some cologne for him, along with some kitchen utensils (he had just moved into a new place and had virtually no kitchen items). I put this in a fancy little bag and also bought his daughter a box of candy.
Thinking that I’d at least get a flower, balloon or something off of that obvious gift table from the store, I was quite surprised to get nothing from him in the way of a “valentine” momento. His daughter ate dinner with us, which was OK. I managed to get down several bites of the awful meatloaf he’d prepared. The daughter was supposed to go to a friend’s house, but stayed there until way past 8:00 pm. Then another family friend stopped by to see his house. She stayed much too long. However, maybe she didn’t realize that it was V-Day. After all, there were no obvious signs that it was anything more than an average night at home. After Mark took the daughter to her friend’s house, he came back wanting some romance and “lovin'”. I finally told him that I thought it was amazing that he wanted affection when he didn’t even remember to get me a flower or anything. He told me that he was going to take me to a nice restaurant “later”. However, the whole evening was a letdown. I had in my mind what I “thought” should happen and it didn’t EVEN though I had this “boyfriend”. He knew little about how to treat a woman. That became painfully obvious about two and a half months later when he left town to go back to the estranged wife from hell and did not even bother to tell me.
I should have cut my losses much earlier, but I kept hoping things would work out. Anyway, that is my sob story about V-Day last year. This year, even though I have no one to buy a valentine for and won’t get one from anyone, at least I won’t have any expectations that won’t get met. I will be working my usual shift at W-Mart in the women’s clothing dept….just another average night at the store. I will have to ignore that very obvious table with candy, flowers, cards, etc. that I will have to walk past to get to the time clock. I wonder how many other women will be disappointed this year with the holiday? My guess is that there will be many who will get nothing…and some of them might even have husbands or boyfriends. :0
February 13, 2007 at 10:04 am
Traci, bokkyone, NYsharon, just love your ideas and attitudes!
When Monday morning rolled around with zero mention of Valentines day from the one I’ve been dating, I thought I’d take care of myself and take any pressure off him (not everyone is into Vday, after all) by making my own plans with friends. Strong, independent woman of the 90’snd 2000’s that I am. So I was a little taken aback when he called last nite to make plans and was very upset that I already had them. Isn’t 2 days before Vday a little late to wait?
Don’t we want someone who cares enough about us that if they really want to be together for a certain day or event, they’ll be damn sure to book us in advance for it? So I’m booked with the gals for an early dinner and a guy friend for skating, and just seriously, maybe permanently jeapordized my budding relationship. Arrgggh, life and dating, will I never get the hang of it?
February 13, 2007 at 11:38 am
AS:
You are so right! Yes, he needs to have asked you ahead of time.
When I spoke to my current guy Friday, there was no mention of V-day. Last night when we talked he said we’ll celebrate but not on Wed. “Why not on Wed.?” I asked. Because he has dance lessons! Now you’d think someone could skip a week for an important event. But no. So he said we’d celebrate in “grand style” this weekend. We’ll see what he considers “grand style.” This one is a hair’s breadth away from being told so long.
February 13, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Girls…it’s happened. I’ve met someone who I think is a keeper, who is, by all observation, happy, sorted, loving and very, very into me. And cute. And right now he’s out of the area with his son because this is school holiday week and they had this trip planned.
But…he gave me a copy of his book for my “bedtime reading” (it’s a political biography, so not very romantic, but still…) and I know that I’m being thought of and will surely get a string of warm text messages tomorrow (thank goodness I showed him how to text!).
Early days, but all good prognosis, I’ll keep you posted!
February 14, 2007 at 12:09 am
[…] It’s easy to focus on only romantic love on this day of hearts and roses, yet there are so many aspects of love that can be expressed and felt on this day. A few days ago I talked about how you can be your own valentine in “Dateless for Valentine’s?“ […]
February 14, 2007 at 12:22 am
[…] It’s easy to focus on only romantic love on this day of hearts and roses, yet there are so many aspects of love that can be expressed and felt on this day. A few days ago I talked about how you can be your own valentine in “Dateless for Valentine’s?“ […]
February 15, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Well DG, I just gave myself one of the worst VDays ever by being too distant and following “the rules” with the guy I really liked, who really liked me. Felt the need to protect myself by making other plans for Vday without even checking with him first. So strong, so independent, I just stronged myself right out of a relatiionship that could have been great.
He was very upset I didn’t even care enough to ask him about it before making other plans, and now thinks our emotional connection is not strong enough for him, so he broke up with me. I can’t say I blame him, so I guess that can be some kind of a lesson for some of us. Methinks that once the relationship is more established, the “……Bitch” and “He’s Just not that into me “rule books go out the window. He apparently WAS into me, after all, and I hurt and repelled him. Sigh….
February 15, 2007 at 7:37 pm
AS — I feel your pain! It is so easy to blame yourself, but frankly you waited until two days before VD to make your plans with your pals and he should have stepped up before that if he wanted to secure your availability. When you shared this, did he say something like “I assumed we’d be together”? Then shame on him for assuming without verbalizing. I know he was a terrific guy, but you gave him lots of time to make plans with you. He didn’t. And you took care of yourself by making sure you were enjoying yourself rather than moping at home wondering what was going on that he didn’t ask you out.
So, dearest AS, I’m afraid he’s trying to blame you for not checking with him when you gave him ample opportunity to ask you. You aren’t game playing — you are taking care of your own needs rather than waiting for a man to ask you out at the last minute.
I know this is painful because you really liked him, so maybe he’ll realize what a catch he is giving up by his lack of thoughtfulness and he’ll come back. But otherwise, you don’t want a guy who makes assumptions and waits ’til the last minute, do you?
February 17, 2007 at 9:19 am
DG, you are the best, and have helped me feel a little better here. He did indeed say esactly that – “of course I assumed we’d be tegether”. And you truly are right, the guy who is right for me is not someone who makes assumptions and waits ’til the last minute. That’s a quality I have a particularly hard time with.
On the up side, an unexpected result was that I discovered I still have a lot of grief from my marriage break up. I hadn’t realized I’d stopped feeling and processing the grief right at a peak sad time, when my Ex moved out of town. Coincidently someone I ended up really hitting it off with asked me out exactly then, and I’ve been really dating – aggressively single!! – since then. I mean, I’ve had 2 nice relationships and met/dated 7 or 8 guys since September. So things do happen for a reason. I need some time off to feel! Thanks for your support and that of your blog, makes my day!!
March 14, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Thank for making this valuable information available to the public.
August 7, 2015 at 3:59 pm
[…] It’s easy to focus on only romantic love on this day of hearts and roses, yet there are so many aspects of love that can be expressed and felt on this day. A few days ago I talked about how you can be your own valentine in “Dateless for Valentine’s?” […]
August 7, 2015 at 4:18 pm
[…] It goes back to the concept of spending the day creating your own fun, as I discussed in “Dateless for Valentine’s?” I certainly had a lot of fun, even without anyone to snuggle […]