What would you do if you were brave?
At the beginning of this new year, I think this is a question to ask ourselves about dating for ’07.
My friend, the amazing musical artist Jana Stanfield, created a song around this question. “If I Were Brave” goes, in part:
What would I do if I knew that I could not fail?
If I believed, would the wind always fill up my sail?
How far would I go? What could I achieve,
trusting the hero in me?What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream?
What would you ask if you knew you could have anything?
Like the mighty oak sleeps in the heart of a seed,
are there miracles in you and me?If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear,
would the voice of courage whisper in my ear?If I were brave, I’d walk the razor’s edge,
where fools and dreamers dare to tread.
I’d never lose faith, even when losing my way.
What step would I take today, if I were brave?What would I do today, if I were brave?
© Jana Stanfield
Listen to a sampling of the song, and if you like it order the CD it’s on. In fact, if you like Jana’s insightful, thoughtful, alluring music (she’s the queen of heavy mental), buy the boxed set of her four 2-CD albums.
If I were brave I would…
- …attend more functions where there would be men I might find appealing, like professional meetings and singles events.
- …make the first move with someone I find attractive, saying “hello” and starting a conversation.
- …speak up sooner when something isn’t working, even at the risk of losing the guy. If he can’t handle it, we aren’t a match.
- …reconnect with someone I really like if we parted amicably.
- …end every liaison cleanly, whether it’s only a coffee date or longer-term connection. Don’t allow myself to just disappear, as I hate it when men do this, but instead communicate “it’s not a match” with those who I’ve met for a date.
How would you date differently in ’07 if you were brave? If you weren’t concerned about rejection or getting a bruised heart, but instead led your dating life with the attitude of being aggressively single and thoroughly appreciating the process of finding your next love?
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Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
January 2, 2007 at 11:04 am
Hello! It is a nice thought, and not to quibble, but if you can’t fail then you are not really being brave. Bravery comes from acknowledging the risk (or the potential for loss) and moving forward anyway.
January 2, 2007 at 9:39 pm
If I was brave I would contact every woman I’ve hurt over the past few years and apologise for my actions. But alas, I’m too chicken to do that yet. I’m not sure what I’d do if I found out that a woman I’d hurt had lost all her confidence and so had decided to never date again. How awful would that be!?
January 2, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Bruce………very well said. I agree with that.
ER………….maybe at some point you’ll get over being “chicken”. I have found it to be very helpful when a guy who has hurt me in the past explains and apologizes. It’s good to know what went on with him. BTW, your first post was great. Happy dating.
January 2, 2007 at 10:26 pm
ER:
You can do a great deal by at least contacting a few women to begin with and offer your apologies. Some will respond with anger, but your attempt — without a request for forgiveness — will go a long way to show you respect the woman. It may help some regain their self-respect, and if some have sworn off men as a result of your actions, this might have her reconsider. If you decide to do this, please post what happens.
January 3, 2007 at 6:29 am
I second the opinion of Butterfly Girl about Bruce’s comment. Agree 100% with his comment and definition of bravery. Very well said.
January 4, 2007 at 10:30 am
Thank you both for the kind words butterflygirl and Elena.
January 4, 2007 at 7:30 pm
First of all, I absolutely love this post! And the comments are great too. I was lucky enough to have the experience of a man calling me after 17 years and apologizing for the way he had treated me in our 3 year relationship. I didn’t realize I had any residual feelings to clean up, but the conversation allowed me to participate in a very powerful moment of forgiveness. Somehow when you forgive, you are forgiven too. I ended up learnng that I still felt some genuine love for this man and we are friends once again. Here’s to us all finding our courage, making amends, making friends, and getting on with life…DG style!
January 5, 2007 at 6:22 am
I am brave–I wouldn’t do anything differently.
January 19, 2007 at 4:00 am
Well I finally did it. I plucked up the courage to start contacting some of the women I knew I’d been really bad with.
So after posting here I sent off an email to one of the women I’d hurt last year. I wasn’t asking for forgiveness, as really what I did was unforgivable. I merely wanted her to know that there was nothing about her or her behaviour that had prompted me to disappear on her.
After a few days I got a reply, which came as a bit of a surprise as I really thought she would use this opportunity to give me a bit of my own medicine and ignore me.
Anyway, she was really touched by my email, and I really think that somehow I made her feel a lot better about herself. And in doing that I somehow felt better about myself too.
Seriously, I really am trying to be a better person, and hopefully from now on my behaviour with women will not require that I contact that several months or years later to apologize. Maybe I’ve finally become a real man….we shall see.
January 19, 2007 at 5:39 am
ER,
Thanks for sharing and don’t worry if you don’t get any response from the women you contact or worry about whether the reactions you do receive will be positive or negative. You’re doing this for yourself and for your peace of mind, not for anyone else. The beauty of what you’re doing is that by helping yourself become a better person, you also help others. Also, as long as you continue to live consciously and live in the present moment, you won’t have to worry about contacting people months or years later to apologize because you will always be aware of your actions in the moment.
March 23, 2007 at 1:47 am
Hi DG,
Just perusing the archives and this piece caught my eye and my attention. If I were really and truly brave, I’d get my butt off the couch, get out there and date instead of reading about dating and obsessing over the many physical parts of me that are less than appetizing. You and everyone else that posts here are far braver than I will ever be, for getting out there and taking chances on life and love. I fear I am far too cloistered, (mostly out of fear of rejection) to ever meet anyone except the pizza delivery guy and he’s way too young for me…
Best wishes from bookyone 🙂
March 23, 2007 at 10:25 am
Bookyone:
Yes, rejection is why most people don’t date. It takes courage.
You — and others who find themselves in a similar situation — may want to read these DG entries:
* “Building your rejection muscle”
* “Courage and dating”
May 4, 2007 at 12:04 am
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November 9, 2008 at 11:39 pm
If I were brave I would open emails from guys even when I don’t think I will like what they say. Dating and falling for a guy in the Internet age makes me afraid of email. And waiting for an email has got to be worse than waiting for a phone call since you have to check your email for other reasons (work, etc.).
August 7, 2015 at 3:39 pm
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August 7, 2015 at 4:13 pm
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