Is he collecting data on how to make you happy?
I briefly dated a man who interspersed into our conversations a myriad of questions about my preferences. He asked about my favorite flower, gemstone, color, fabric, musical artist, book genre, movie type, restaurants, foods, thing to do on a sunny day, coffee shop, travel destinations, pet peeves, etc. After a few questions, I asked why he wanted to know. “I’m noting them for future reference. I want to make you happy, so need to know what will do so.”
Wow! No one else has been as overt in his probing for my happiness makers. I was impressed with his diligence. The connection fizzled before he had a chance to deliver on any of this knowledge. But the fact that he was gathering it was a sign that he knew what information to gather and seemed — at least initially — to care about making me happy.
Could he have intended to use this information to manipulate me? Perhaps. But since I’m an interpret-things-positively kinda gal, I wouldn’t assume that unless I saw evidence to support that negative interpretation.
Of course, happiness does not revolve around receiving a favorite flower, as it’s more important how a man speaks to you, is respectful, keeps his word, listens and generally treats you. But if all the right behaviors are in place, it’s added enhancement if he 1) cares enough to know what you like, and 2) provides those things regularly, willingly, and with love. A smart man understands this is part of the ongoing romancing of his sweetie.
Do you collect info on your guy’s favorites? I am less apt to be as overt as the man described above, but I do make note of how he takes his coffee, what he regularly drinks, teams he roots for, etc. If I’m seeing two guys concurrently, I’ll make a note about this information in each man’s file in my Date-A-Base. (It’s too much to remember about multiple men.)
How would you like it if a man was methodical about collecting your preferences? Would you like it or think it was a tad creepy? And how do you go about noting what your guy likes?
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Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 
October 21, 2007 at 12:23 am
…I have tried this, some women don’t like to be interviewed. Actually, these questions, make somewhat of a good conversation starters/ice breakers..
October 21, 2007 at 11:08 pm
I’ve had a couple of those whirlwind romances and usually they are like that. They ask a lot of questions about you and listen intently and do all the things you like and call you a lot. They may not be doing it intitionally, but I think that is how they suck you in to their life. Making you think it’s all about you. And it sometimes gets them into your pants and then, they got what they want and all of a sudden, thinks change. I am always very leary of fast relationships now.
One thing I’ve learned lately………there is this guy at work who I was attracted to and really thought we clicked intellectually, but b\c we work together I’ve kept him at arms distance. We work together a lot, so we are able to talk a lot. Now after knowing him a couple months, I really realize I don’t click with him at all. And that I am so glad I didn’t try to take it further. I thought about if I had been dating him, I would have already slept with him and then realized we didn’t click after all. If only we could date longer before we jump into bed and can get to know them in the real world better before we slept with them, I think a lot of people would be a lot better off.
October 22, 2007 at 11:03 am
You know what — I absolutely do this, but secretly. As in, I keep a little running list of possible gift ideas based on stuff my gf says. I just started doing it in the past 2 years, just with my current girlfriend. It’s fantastic. She gets thoughtful gifts that she probably forgot she even mentioned, and I don’t crap myself every time a gift-ish holiday comes up.
I started doing this because I knew that she liked gifts that I “put thought into” and I knew that my brain wasn’t going to be able to do that very well. My memory just doesn’t file things that way. So, if I keep a running list, and add stuff as it comes up, that’s basically the same thing. It’s almost as if I’m really, truly thoughtful!
http://manslations.com
October 22, 2007 at 2:04 pm
If you are truly interested in a person, you listen carefully to the things they say. You make mental lists of their likes and dislikes, things they enjoy and pet peeves. When appropriate, surprise that person with thier favorite flower or candy bar. Maybe record a favorite show or put the lid down on the toilet seat. It is absolutely the little things you do for one another that make a relationship enjoyable and everlasting.