Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date

He’s pleasant and cordial, not a jerk. But there are signs that there won’t be a second date.

  • You’d agreed to meet for a drink. The waiter brings your drinks, but when he asks if you are ready to order, your date says, “We’re just having drinks.” If he were interested in spending more time with you, he’d say, “Check back in a little while” or at least offer to order appetizers.
  • He doesn’t make much eye contact. That means he doesn’t like looking at you. Even if he is shy, if a man thinks you’re attractive, he won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.
  • He doesn’t comment on your attractiveness. An interested guy says, “You’re much prettier than your pictures,” or even “Wow! You’re beautiful,” or “You have such pretty eyes.” He’ll find something to compliment you on.
  • No casual touching. If a guy is attracted to you, he’ll touch your arm or hand, or the small of your back as you walk to the table.
  • He doesn’t smile much. Even if he is shy, a man who wants to make a good impression smiles a lot at what you say and laughs when you attempt something funny.
  • If the waiter asks if you want another drink, your date doesn’t ask you, he just says, “We’re fine.” Do not, under any circumstance, order another drink unless your date asks. He wants to be polite, but he can get surly if you make him wait while you down another.
  • He doesn’t seem interested in you. He doesn’t ask you questions about your interests or life.
  • No mention of a second date. An attracted man will try to set up the second date during the first, or at least mention it as a possibility. For example, if you mention something you like (e.g., type of movies, food, music or activity) he’ll say, “Next time we will go there/try that.”
  • He can’t wait to get the check. He may chase down the waiter if it isn’t coming fast enough.
  • He accepts your offer to contribute to the check. Bad sign. This shows he has no interest in you romantically.
  • He doesn’t walk you to your car.
  • He shakes your hand as you part and says something like, “It was nice to meet you.”

Most of these alone don’t mean there’s no second date coming. However, if there are several — or heaven forbid, all of them — just try to get out of there as quickly and pleasantly as possible.

Don’t take it personally. Just know it isn’t a match and move on. Next!

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Explore posts in the same categories: Dating after 40, Dating chemistry, Getting your dating attitude on, Playing the online dating game, Releasing back into the dating pool, The first date

17 Comments on “Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date”

  1. Paulette Says:

    When you get to writing The Book, this entry is the ideal article to promote The Book! 🙂


  2. Thank you! I’m trying to think of ways that a woman shows there won’t be a second date. If you can think of any ways you communicate this during the first date, send ’em on!

  3. Matt Says:

    To be frank with you, there are only three reliable indicators in that lot.

    He can’t wait to get the check
    No mention of a second date.
    He shakes your hand as you part and says something like “It was nice to meet you.”

    The others, even culmatively, do not reliably indicate that he’s not interested in you. It may well show that he is shy/too PC/rude/boorish/inconsiderate/inarticulate, and I dare say those traits would kill off the possibility of a second date.

    However, he may be assessing you as well, it is a first date, and who knows what you are like ?
    I won’t go through the entire list, but a couple entries worth mentioning are:

    No casual touching.
    As a gentleman approaching his 40’s, I would still consider this a no no for a first date. It indicates an initmacy that is inappropriate for first time meeting.
    For a second and subsequent dates, no problems. But not for a first time encounter.
    Touching can mean different things to different people.
    Appreciate it as he is being respectful that casual touching may make you feel uncomfortable so early on.

    # He accepts your offer to contribute to the check. Bad sign. This shows he has no interest in you romantically.

    What a load of rot. You’re on a first date, he may be seeing if you are:
    Financially secure
    Confident in yourself
    Mature
    Sincere
    Practical
    Realistic

    Do not take it as either an indicator or an offense. You may be being tested to see whether you’re up to the grade, or if you’re just coming along for a nice meal.
    After half a dozen failed first dates, a guy quickly realises that chivalry and financial common sense are not necessarily mutually compatible goals., and likewise ‘date’ means ‘free meal’ to some less ethically bound women.
    The price for this wisdom can be.. expensive.
    His acceptance is certainly better than insisting that he pays the full bill, which also happens to irritate both women and waiters.

    He doesn’t walk you to your car.
    Now that’s just plain rude. Kick him in the shins.
    He should at least offer to accompany you. Kick him again.


  4. Thanks, Matt, for sharing your perspective. It’s always good to hear a guy’s side.


  5. […] So know that you most likely will have to meet a lot of guys who on paper (in their profile and email) and on the phone seem like they’d be a good match. But when you meet, something critical is missing. (See my observations on this in “Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date” and “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for you.”) […]


  6. […] And even the less-than-stellar dates — and the very few bad dates — had a lesson attached. From one, the posting “Signs he won’t be asking for a second date” was spawned, which is one of my most looked at entries. Even “Date was a losing bet” birthed a funny story which has amused my friends and was a good lesson for me and others. Many first dates end in ambivalence, thus a posting on that. And I’ve learned to spot deal breakers quickly, thus wrote “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for you.” […]

  7. tj Says:

    how do you trust anyone. they can say what ever they think you will want to hear just to get what they want out of it. honesty went out the window a long time ago.

  8. Lulu Says:

    This is a fair comment, TJ, and my experience has helped me to grow more reliant on my instincts, and remain a little detatched for the first few months of any new relationship. This is simple self-preservation. We all have our own in-built detectors for lies, or deceitful/untrustworthy behaviour, but if we’re becoming too attached to a romantic outcome we may overlook our instincts. They are usually right on the button. Thinking positively is great, but keeping a sense of our own integrity is an absolute must.


  9. […] It is much easier to identify how he shows he’s not interested, as I detailed in “Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date.” […]

  10. Kristy Says:

    I never thought of this before. It kind of shocked me how some of those little things can assure you that there won’t be a second date. Good article.

  11. mimi Says:

    great list. the one about not being interested in you/not asking questions about you isn’t an indicator tho’. I thought a guy was selfish and self-involved – he didn’t ask about me. He told me later that he decided he wanted to marry me on our first date – that same date where he asked me nothing about myself… His take on it was “didn’t you notice how focussed I was on you, I didn’t notice anything else, it was all you” blah blah blah. Yes, dear reader, I went out with him for five months, and it was all about him. But at least he had a nice time. I heard after we broke up that he wanted to marry the next girl after the first date, too. She ran a mile. Smart girl! Oh. and I think he’s married now. I’m not.

  12. AJ Says:

    Speaking as a man in the dating game, the ONLY one of those that’s an indicator is the last one. And even that’s not definite.

    Still, it’s got to be better for women than it is for men!

    Indicators that she DOESN’T want a second date:

    1) She says, “I had a great time. I’d love to do it again.”
    2) She doesn’t say “I had a great time. I’d love to do it again.”
    3) She asks you to call her.
    4) You’re under 6’4″ and earn less than £35,000 per year.

  13. over40dating Says:

    Thank for helping a woman judge her date well. You have suggested a great way to avoid getting depressed and moving ahead as soon as whenever a woman finds any of these signs in her date.

  14. Ask A Nice Guy Says:

    I think some of the ideas are wrong. Guys these days are told to be coy. He is told NOT to touch the woman. He is told to play it cool. Just because you hit these snags, do not think that a man is not interested. Rely on your intuition. Touch and flirt if you like him; if he reciprocates, you’re in. Keep it simple.


  15. […] It is much easier to identify how he shows he’s not interested, as I detailed in “Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date.” […]


  16. […] match. But when you meet, something critical is missing. (See my observations on this in “Signs that he won’t be asking for a second date” and “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for […]


  17. […] dates — and the very few bad dates — had a lesson attached. From one, the posting “Signs he won’t be asking for a second date” was spawned, which is one of my most looked at entries. Even “Date was a losing […]


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